Lifetime Learner

            I got home from the beach on Monday night and stared at my room that looked like a natural disaster had hit it. All that stuff had to packed up so that I could leave home for another two months. It was definitely a bittersweet feeling. I had just gotten home a week ago and realized how much I missed it. I missed my family and I missed my friends and I haven’t even gotten a chance to see my two best friends yet. My heart yearned to stay home where it was comfortable. Where I knew I would be wanted. And also where I knew I would be doing pretty much nothing if I stayed. 

            So, I packed up my bags and got ready to leave the following morning. My mom and I hit the road and endured the eight hour drive to North Carolina together. We pulled in down a beautiful road where we found TWR. The Lodge that they provide is very comfortable and looks like a mini hotel room and we are provided with a nice kitchen and living space. Plus, it’s nice being directly across from the office. More time to sleep when work is only one minute away! Of course, there is only one tiny closet and barely any drawers so it was quite difficult managing where to put all of both my and my roommate’s clothing. Luckily, I’m used to throwing my clothes all over the place anyway. 

            I will be living with four other girls and one other guy (I always find myself in extreme majority girl groups… haha) and we will all be interning for different people. There will be one other girl working in my department which is Marketing and Communications (MarCom). She will be working with primarily Social Media and I will be working primarily with Journalism. 

            We all settled in on Tuesday and got to know one another and also got to know two other guys and one other girl who are all interning with TWR but will be in different counties. It is all very exciting! So be sure to include them in your prayers while praying for the team.

            Wednesday started bright and early at 8am for Orientation. Yes, we had to dress in business casual attire. Something that is quite new for me. In fact, Wednesday was the first time I had ever put on makeup by myself on a normal day. I know, crazy, right? I guess I’ll get used to dressing like an adult.

            Orientation was definitely long, but not quite so grueling. In fact, it truly opened my eyes to how amazing this ministry is and how awesome radio can be as a ministry to closed countries. From their history to how they continue to expand and impact more and more people, you can see God’s hand working in each and every part. I also love how they really want to make all the interns feel included in the work and purpose in sharing the Gospel with all peoples.

            One goal of this ministry for their interns is they want each and every one of us to grow in their relationship with Christ. They are excited for the work and skills we will be able to output while here, but if we feel further from Christ then we did in the beginning, then they have failed in their job. I am so encouraged by this and so excited to see how God uses them to work in our lives.  

            So far, they have challenged me to think and grow and I haven’t even started working yet! They talked about how we are ambassadors not only in our outward actions, but in our private lives as well. Our personal relationship with Christ reflects in everything we do. We should be an overflow to what God is pouring into us. We shouldn’t have to strive to have love flow out of us because it should already be so full in us that it is just overflowing onto others.

            We also need to keep our eyes open to everything happening around us and each opportunity that Christ gives us each day to share His love. I know how oblivious I can be and I am trying to be able to be more observant to the world around me and being able to see those in need and acting on it. This also ties in to praying earnestly and never underestimating the power and importance of prayers. Prayer is so easily forgotten and I don’t know why when it is obviously so powerful. I hear so many stories that seem impossible until they pray and then God opens up so many doors. He really does hear us.

            It is also so important not to get distracted. Distractions come in so many ways in things that aren’t bad! Distractions can come in community, worship, expectations, time, ourselves… I know I can get distracted so easily especially by these things and I forget what should be of utmost importance. Of course I need to keep up these things, but I cannot let them replace what I am here for.

            I loved a couple other things that they mentioned such as let yourself be surprised and remember adventure. Go in God’s power and allow Him to use you. Return with joy and continue to be a willing participant in God’s work wherever you are. So many amazing statements that I can go on and on about (but I will save you the trouble to those that are still reading this far… haha). 

            Another thing that was mentioned that really resonated with me was having a kingdom perspective. Jesus will return and we are a part of that process by attempting to reach all peoples. Our goal and final destination where we will spend eternity is heaven or hell and that is a perspective we need not forget.

            I appreciate so much that their primary goal is to help us grow spiritually. This will be a different and challenging summer and I am nervous to begin on Monday, but I am excited and I am so glad I have five other wonderful interns here to share it with. I hope and pray I will serve God and love others to the best of my ability! 

           

            Orientation ended on Thursday which mostly consisted of reading their GPP and getting details all squared away. Lauren Libby is the president of TWR and we had the opportunity to join the staff meeting and a webinar with him and Tripp (the web guru) and I loved the things he had to say about the ministry and life in general. Obviously, I won’t talk to you about everything he said, but one thing he said in the meeting that stuck with me was to be a lifelong learner. It’s not something that ends in school or work or retirement. His mother is 98 years old and she is still learning.

            God created this vast world with so much diversity in nature and culture it is literally impossible to know everything about the world. 

            Never stop asking questions.

            Never stop learning people’s stories.

            Never stop staring at the stars. 

            On a lighter note, a couple of us went with Ben (IT guru) and his wife to play volleyball and we ended up playing with some other guys at the park and it was so much fun! I hit the ball over the net a few times. ;) It’s weird not to have any homework so I have plenty of free time at night if any of you want to contact me through phone, skype, or message me or whatever! I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. Also, if you would like to send me anything in the mail my address is: 

Rachel Pearson
Trans World Radio
300 Gregson Dr. 
Cary, NC 27512

            Speaking of which, the last thing I want to say is thank you. Thank you to all who are supporting me financially as well as through prayer. I literally would not be here without you. God has opened my eyes to the importance of raising support and what a ministry it provides for others. Thank you for partnering with me. I say this with sincerity, you are all my partners. Because of that, you are a huge part of this ministry and you are a part of this internship this summer. I will try and update this blog every week to let you know what’s been going on. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this possible. You have truly made a difference.

Self-Absorbed

So, as I sit here on the couch and think about all of the overwhelmingly amount of work I have to do. I think about all of the internal things that are bringing me down and I think about all the things that I have not done and should have.

And then it hits me. I am constantly thinking about me. The thing about problems and hard times, is it makes me an extremely self-centered person.

When times get tough, that is no excuse to make the world revolve around you. Even as Christians, sometimes we can get into this thing where it’s like, “I have so much to do. I need to take time with God. I need to rest in Him. I just need to rest in general. I need to… I need to… I need to… “ And all of these things are extremely important but sometimes I think we can take it over the top. Because the fact is, sometimes we are focused so much on ourselves and our problems and trying to figure out how to “fix” these things, that we forgot about loving others.

I mean, I’m studying Paul in one of my classes and I just think about all of the hard times he went through and how selfless he still was. In the midst of his pain and his trials, his thoughts were still on loving others. Of course, he found times to rest and spend time with God and get the work that he needed to do done. But he never lost sight of what was truly important. He never lost sight of what God was calling him to do.

I sat in church today forced to think about what God has done for me. The fact that Jesus suffered so much and shed His blood for me. And then I changed my thinking to what God has done for us. Jesus suffered and shed His blood for us. We are a body. We are in this together. We all have trials. We are all suffering. We all have problems. And we become so self-absorbed in our own, we forget to have compassion for others who are going through the same things.

I can love others through my trials. I am called to have a selfless love through my pain. And I can share these things with others and they can share with me.

But just because I am going through a hard time, that does not give me an excuse to throw a pity party. Hard times do not give me an excuse to only find rest for myself and to keep crying to God. As I said, I think truly crying out to God and finding rest in Him is very important. But I think sometimes we miss the point. Hard times do not give us an excuse to stop loving others.

We are called to continuously pour out Christ’s love into other people no matter the circumstance. We are in this together. And the fact is, I found that when I take the time to stop and show love to someone else, it brings me a rest and a peace that I couldn’t have found by sleeping in an extra hour or stressing over that homework assignment. It’s not only through the quiet times that I find rest, but it’s through love.

God knows we are struggling. And we may not always know where to go or what to do. But He has called us to have a desire to please Him, and I don’t think there’s a certain way that we have to do this. I think if we desire to do His will, His love will naturally flow out of us. No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find joy and peace and this can flow from our lives through love.

We said a prayer today in church that I thought was beautiful. It’s the “Prayer of Thomas Merton.” He says:

            My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

            I do not see the road ahead of me.

            I cannot know for certain where it will end.

            Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

            But I believe that my desire to please You does in fact please You.

            And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

            I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

            And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

            Therefore I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death…

            I will not fear, for You are ever with me and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Fear

Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes you don’t really know why you’re scared. It’s just… there. As I prepare to head back to school in less than a week, I realized that I’m scared. I’m scared of how things are going to be different. I know it won’t be the same that it was a year ago. I’m scared of not being able to fit in like I did before, that people will have moved on without me and I just won’t fit in their life anymore. I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle my new busy schedule. That I won’t be as good in my classes as I used to be. I’m not really sure why, but the fear is just there.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m super excited to go back. I’m so excited to see my friends who I miss so much. I’m excited for what this semester has to bring. I’ve never really been one to fear the unknown. To fear the future. “One day at a time!” as I always say. But I guess sometimes it’s inevitable.

It’s just a weird feeling sometimes. I mean, I really don’t feel ready to go back yet. I feel like I just got home. I want to stay here longer. I want to just relax and not have to work and spend time with family and friends here. At the same time, I can’t wait to go back to JBU because it’s just been too long since I’ve been there. I want to see my friends. And then at the same time I am missing Ecuador like crazy. I miss all the friends that I’ve made there. Everything reminds me of something. Of someone. And just having all these emotions at the same time and a longing for a different place is driving me crazy! Sometimes, despite my spontaneous personality and my longing for travel and to explore, just sometimes I wish for a place of permanency. Somewhere that I can call home. I mean, I know that I always have a home here in New Jersey with my family.  But somewhere I can call a place of my very own sounds kinda nice. Somewhere… where that even when I travel and explore, I know there is a place that I can always go back to. Just… home. Not constantly going back and forth going here and there. I know it’ll come and I will be patient for that, it’s just hard sometimes.

I am excited for all the opportunities life has given me. I love that I have grown up in New Jersey and going to college in Arkansas. I love that I got to visit Israel and study in Ecuador. I love that I will be spending two months in North Carolina interning at Trans World Radio. I love exploring new things and learning and going through new challenges. I just wish there was something constant in my life.

And that’s when it hit me. I do have something constant in my life. And that thing is love. I must admit, sometimes I’m not the best at showing love. In fact, I think I’ve probably been going through some reverse culture shock as I have not been doing much. Mostly just been locking myself in my room so that I can watch reruns of Gilmore Girls. And I know that’s not always the best thing to be doing. But something that I can always rely on is even when I’m not the best at showing love is I always have someone showing love to me. My family never gives up on me. I have good friends who will never leave me. I have friends who live miles away who care about me.

But most of all, amidst all the change, I have a God who is always constant. As I said before, things can be scary. And I guess I’ve just been feeling so many emotions lately, my mind has chosen fear to cling to. But I don’t have to be afraid because thank goodness, my God isn’t like that. My God always loves. He will never leave. He will never give up. He always cares. And that’s something that I can always count on. Fear is a choice. I don’t need to choose fear, but I can always choose joy. I can always choose joy for a God who never changes. He will always be guiding me. He is the light in the darkness. And it is because of His love that I can receive love from others. It is because of His love that I can love in return.

So, as the Christmas season is ending and the New Year is beginning, let’s give a toast to the One who has no beginning or end because He has always been there and He always will be. Because He alone is constant. He alone can take our fears and bring light to a life that is wandering.

Returning Home

Well, now that I’m home I realized there is so much that I haven’t yet said, so much that I have learned that I can now take home with me. Things I have learned in my classes and through the many experiences I had while in Ecuador. I made so many new relationships, saw so many wonderful things and had so many wonderful adventures.

One that I do want to share with you specifically was my trip to the Amazon Jungle. We spent almost a week in the jungle this second time around. I got a million bug bites, my foot swelled up like a 8 month pregnant woman and ate something that destroyed my insides. But all my experiences were worth all of those things. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to work and serve with these amazing missionaries and children.

We left on a Wednesday morning after breakfast and ate lunch on the road and ate dinner and got settled in. We watched some people jump off the bridge, hung out on the beach, and got prepared for our lessons the next day.

Thursday morning after breakfast we took our first canoe ride to Pusuno. I loved it! It did hurt my butt after a while but I really enjoyed being able to relax and explore the river and the nature around it. It was a beautiful ride. J

When we first got there the kids were super shy. A little understandable since there were more of us than them! But we did some ice breakers and paired off into buddies. My buddy was Henry and it’s just so amazing how instantly you can fall in love. We had an English lesson, played some games. I read the story of the feeding of the 5,000 (disastrously in Spanish!) and had some bread and made noodle necklaces before finishing up with some more games. It’s crazy because someone commented that they would probably eat those noodles for dinner that night and it hit me that man, I use food for crafts when these kids are probably excited to eat it! We found out that for breakfast they may have a little bread and for lunch maybe they would have a piece of fruit if they could find one and then rice for dinner. That’s it! They have no shoes and they only have school uniforms because the government provides them. It breaks my heart. There is one teacher who is a Christian and is a total sweetie. She has an extremely challenging job and is so amazing.

We went back to the hostal for lunch and a break before heading to Antioch to work with the teens there. We played lots of games and some of the team shared their testimonies. The teens there struggle with purity so the testimonies were very powerful.

Friday morning we went back to Pusuno for our same activities of English, games, message, and crafts. Our theme for the day was being made in God’s image. It’s such an important message for these kids to know that they are special and created by God.

After lunch and break we went back to Antioch for the same. One girl on our team gave a beautiful testimony about purity and restoration.

I loved hanging out with everyone at dinner. Tyler, one of the math teachers at Antioch, he’s a super cool guy, he came to dinner and said, “I love having meaningless conversation!” It was great that we could even provide that… it does get lonely for him sometimes.

On Saturday and Sunday morning we went to Antioch to help them with construction on the school. We built shelves and tables. Two other girls and I were on painting crew! So while we waited for the shelves and tables to be ready to paint we scraped the school to be repainted. Loved my team! I loved being able to serve them in any way.

On Saturday afternoon we played a bunch of games with the Antioch teens. We played some ultimate Frisbee and then some of us played soccer. I hung out with three of the girls. They are such wonderful kids and I absolutely loved getting to know them more. They’re so much fun! I mean, I got them to dance the chicken dance on the sidelines and all kinds of crazy stuff! They’re so great and I’m so glad I got to meet them.

On Sunday afternoon we went to the AmaZOOnica and got to see some pretty sweet Ecuadorian animals. It was super hot, but fun! That night we got to spend one last night with the Antioch kids at church. We worshipped together and said our goodbyes and ended with an absolutely stunning view of the stars.

We hung out one last time walking on the bridge and the beach before preparing to leave Monday morning. It was incredible. I wouldn’t want to live there, but I am grateful that I got to be there for that period of time.

“Jungle Kids for Christ” is an amazing ministry and the missionaries there are so passionate about what they do and have made a difference in so many children’s lives.

They have impacted the way I think about the future and have truly shown me what it means to trust God and know He has a perfect plan for us if we follow it.

Now, being home, it’s hard for me to go back to the way things were. I mean, I just had the most expensive dinner I’ve had in months the other night and as I was eating I just thought, this one meal could buy at least two weeks worth of lunches for the kids in Pusuno. It has really made me want to live more simply, and I know for me that is going to be a challenge. As many of you who know me, you know that I am not good at handling money. I am a big spender and I spend it on useless things. I love going out to eat and buying movies and having fun but at the end of the day,  I know that I need to learn to live more simply and as I do to remember kids such as the ones in the jungle and be praying for them. As a group we have committed to each giving 10 dollars a month so that these kids can eat lunch every day and have school supplies for the year. It’s amazing that something so small can make such a big difference and it’s something I need to be praying about to change my heart.

Being back home has also made me think about how things are going to change. I mean, I want to go back to my normal life, but in my heart, I know that things aren’t the same. When I go back to school there will be new people and new things and all of my friends will have experienced an entire semester that I wasn’t a part of. It’s going to take me being an initiator. And again, those who know me know that I am definitely not an initiator. But I want to challenge myself to be dedicated to my relationship with God and to my relationships with my family and friends by being the one to reach out. I’m not sure what that’s going to look like, but I desire to pour myself into the relationships that I have with a selfless love.

I don’t know how reverse culture shock is going to entirely affect me. I mean, I’ve been doing ok for these first few days. Little things remind me of everything. About all the laughs, the conversations and the adventures I had with everyone in Ecuador. And I’m so glad that I can have those memories. I’m filled with joy that I have gotten to meet the people I have and had the opportunities that I had. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

It’s a little bit hard. Being with people for 100 days or so every day and then knowing that we all may never be back together again. Being back here has also brought back insecurities that I hadn’t worried about in Ecuador but being back in this environment brings back a lot of comfort… and in that comfort it brings the insecurities that I naturally dealt with.

But with the good and the bad, I know that God is good. God is with me and He will guide me. He will bring me through the meadows and He will bring me through the desert. If I’ve learned anything this semester I know that God’s will for my life is simple. It is to love His people. God will always be with me and that brings me such joy. People ask me why I am so joyful and the only thing that I can say is that it is God. God fills me with His joy. His love is that powerful. And I know that God’s will for my life is to spread that same love and joy that He fills me with. How that looks like? I still don’t know. But what I do know, is that it’s ok. Because I know God’s promises. And because of that I can walk through this life unknowingly with confidence because God is good. And all things will work together for good for those who love the Lord.

Rambles from Rachel.

So, yeah, many things have happened since we last “spoke”. As you probably saw from my other posts, I went through my week long intensive Worldview class which was extremely beneficial (even though now I have a butt load of work to do for it!) and had the opportunity to travel to the Galapagos, which as you saw from pictures that were posted, was absolutely beautiful.

 I couldn’t even believe how much I was able to see God’s beauty shining through while I was there. Absolutely incredible. I mean, I literally saw God everywhere. I think one moment that really sticks out to me was touching the sea turtle and swimming alongside of it. It was such a surreal moment, I felt like I was in a dream. But I wasn’t! I was snorkeling in the Galapagos enjoying His creation!

And man, it just makes me think about how crazy Heaven is going to be and New Creation. If this fallen world can still manage to capture God’s beauty and creativity, how much more will it be in a perfect world? It just takes my breath away. I reflect back on the past few weeks and just think about how going to the Galapagos right after Worldview was perfect. It totally solidified all the processing that was going on inside my head. I feel like I am always saying the same thing, but I don’t feel like I can say it enough. I am so blessed and God is so good.

Speaking of Worldview, I can’t possibly talk about everything that we talked about in the class, but I can share something that I was thinking about the other day. So, I was watching the Lion King (even though I didn’t make it to Hakuna Matata before I fell asleep!) and I was at the part where Mufasa is explaining to Simba everything the King rules. He explained that the King rules “everything the light touches” and Simba replies, “Everything the light touches… but what about that shadowy place?” And Mufasa says, “That’s beyond our borders. You must never go there, Simba.”

And it struck me because it reminded me of Spencer’s question in Worldview, “How much of the kingdom does the King not rule?”

Light touches all the places in which I let God rule my life. But do I have shadowlands? Are there places in my life in which I say, “Sorry God, that’s beyond Your borders.”

And then I realized, in the Lion King, the shadowlands is an elephant graveyard which is a barren wasteland filled with the remains of elephants who have gone there to die of old age. This is where the hyenas run wild.

I realized that is exactly what certain parts of my life is like if God’s not ruling it. Where God rules there is light. Where I push Him away, there is darkness.

But anyway, after the Galapagos I went back to stay at my home stay where we celebrated not Halloween, but the Day of the Dead! It’s a pretty huge thing so that means three day weekend!

On Friday, Edwin’s family from the coast came over to stay for the weekend. We woke up bright and early and took them to Otovala for a bit. We had a nice Ecuadorian dinner and then drove around. We went to a beautiful lake and went Go-Karting. It was super fun even though it totally killed my bruised tailbone (Which is feeling much better now by the way!) After that we found different places to shop. So great.

On Saturday, we went to Mindo for the day! Such a beautiful place! We went boating and tubing and spent the day by the river. The river was freezing! Edwin’s family is so crazy! (In a good way!) After Mindo I met up with the group to go to Jose Luis’ church to hear him preach and Jenna sing. Love them!

On Sunday, Matt Bastone, a guy that our group adopted, spent the day with us because he moved in with Edwin and Ruby, the day that I moved out. It was so much fun! We went to an amusement park and Matt and I had the opportunity to take a cable car up Pichincha. It was amazing! Lots of crazy pictures and crazy times. I’m a little sad to have moved out but it’s nice to be back at the apartment. Great month!

But yes. As most of you know, this semester has been full of firsts for me. Sadly, one of those was being the first time of being robbed. Of course, it was the ONE time that I brought my credit card, my license, at least sixty dollars of cash, my trolley change and even my chapstick because we were going grocery shopping after class. I feel so dumb!

But God has really blessed me through this. I realized how stingy I am with my money. I am extremely selfish with my money and I make excuses not to give at church, I make excuses not to give an extra quarter to the woman sitting on the street who I am always convicted to give to and I’m always the last to volunteer to give money when my friends are in need.

Yet, I will splurge to go out to eat or buy a souvenir. Why is that?

I am holding my money in way more importance than I should. Money has become my idol. I feel helpless without it and I feel like everything relies on how much I have even though I always feel like I have little. I don’t trust God with my money. I am afraid to do anything that has to do with ministry and serving others if it has to do with money. I lack trust and I also lack responsibility.

But guess what. When I lost all my money, God provided! In fact, I He provided me with MORE than what I lost. He provided through my loving friends and family who have been so supportive and encouraging.

I am so blessed and I don’t deserve any of this. God is challenging me through this experience to stop being so consumerism minded and stingy and to TRUST. I need to stop desiring instant gratification and instead look at the people around me and realize God is providing all I need.

Between everything that has been happening this past month, I have really seen God through my family and my friends. On vacation with my host family, just seeing the way they interact with each other and seeing the way they treated Matt and I as one of their own children, I see God shining through them in huge ways and it’s exciting to see and be a part of that.

Then after I got robbed, seeing everyone who gave me care and support, I can just see each and every one of them reflecting Christ. I mean, right after it happened I was really upset and they were all jumping at the opportunity to do whatever they could to be there for me.

It is only by the grace of God that I have these wonderful people in my life and in every small or big act of kindness, I see God.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my future. We’ve been talking a lot this semester about unreached peoples and I’ve just been thinking like, I don’t have a certain geographical location that I feel I’ve been called to. Does this mean I should go to an unreached people? Should I go to where there is greatest need? Who knows. First I have to finish college, right? 

This has also been a crazy weekend, with salsa dancing… homework… and… well, my Spiritual Formation homework. I fasted for 24 hours without talking, including communication via facebook. I’ve also been going five days without caffeine. The reason I chose this for my fast is because I tend to talk a lot. In chapel, we’ve been talking about how we as Christians need to have purposeful speech as well as being good listeners. Even in prayer, I spent the day listening instead of talking.

This fast was very challenging as I’m sure you can imagine but it was extremely beneficial in my life. Throughout the day, if I needed to say something I would have to mime it out. By doing this, I actually had to think about if what I wanted to say was worth saying. So, every time I had something to say I thought What is the purpose for me saying this? And the sad thing is, half the things I wanted to say today were either “I” statements or complaints. If I kept only the purposeful statements or words based on positive thoughts or something beneficial for others, I only have to talk about half what I usually do.

This really put into perspective the worth of my words. It was also really nice to be able to just sit and listen. People who don’t usually talk as much talked so much more when I wasn’t there to talk! It was so nice! I never realized how self-focused I have been in my speech even by just making others feel like there’s no need for them to speak.

It’s about considering others better then myself. I need to allow others to speak and I need to think about how my words are affecting others. This is how I am called to show love. Words are powerful.

In my prayer life this fast was beneficial as well. Instead of praying very selfish prayers, I was able to listen to what HE had to say to me. I read more of the Bible than usual and then just meditated on His Word.

I’m really glad I chose this as my fast. I learned things that I probably never would have thought about. I’m really going to try and choose my words more wisely and definitely listen more intently.

All this to say, I know earlier I said, “Man, now things can go back to normal.” But the thing is, I don’t want it go back to normal! All of these things that I have been learning, I can’t let them go to waste! I can’t just say Wow, that’s awesome and then go back to living the way I was before. I want these things to impact the way I live. And so my prayer is today is that I will genuinely take these things to heart because this is what love is about. This is what I have been called to do. This is how I love Jesus and this is how I love others.

Wow, well, sorry for the novel, especially if you’re still reading at this point. I think this post was more for myself. It’s nice to be able to come back here and read and just remind myself of things that I have been learning. I don’t want to forget these experiences and I don’t want to forget all the things that God has been showing and challenging me in my life. I want to keep growing every day, I want people to be able to see God’s light in the darkness!

           

Home-stays, Home-sickness and Revelations.

10/16/12

So, I figured I should give you all an update BEFORE I start my week-long intensive Worldview class and then go to the Galapagos Islands… otherwise, you would have one massive post waiting for you.

Well, I believe I left off with moving into my home-stays last week. I have now been living with my family for a little over a week, and I absolutely love them! They are one of the most caring, loving, hilarious families I have ever met. They have such a great relationship with one another and they all have such a passion for God. On Saturday morning I had the opportunity to sit with them during their family devotions which consists of singing some songs and then all of us taking turns reading from the Bible which we then discuss after. It was such a great time, even though it was a little hard because the kids had to keep translating for me!

My schedule is pretty crazy, now that I have started my internship. I am working there about 25 hours a week, give or take. Plus, Spanish, Spiritual Formation and Ecuador 250. Also, with my worldview class coming up, we had to read three entire books (which we all forgot about until this past weekend… let’s just say, after this semester, I may never want to read another book again!) But, when I get home I do homework with my little brother Alejandro, who is absolutely hilarious and makes homework time so much more fun. Ruby, my mama prepares dinner which we eat a little later at night, so I get to have some family time then and we chat for a little bit afterwards, until I go up to my room so that I can really concentrate on getting my homework done and maybe catching up with some people over facebook.

This past weekend was a holiday, so everyone had Friday off. I spent a lot of time reading the books for worldview, but it was also nice to spend some extended time with my family. On Saturday it was Alejandro’s birthday, and we went to the market where the indigenous people all sell stuff for really cheap. I got to run some errands with them and then I spent a lot of time reading. On Sunday, I had the opportunity to go to my mama’s mama’s house and the ENTIRE family was there. It was really hard because I didn’t know how to communicate with them, so I didn’t know what else to do but withdraw and just read some more! But I did eat dinner with everyone and helped out with what I could and spend time with my mama.

All, that to say, even though my family is absolutely wonderful, there have been challenges. I think culture shock has finally kicked in. In the morning sometimes I wake up just wanting to cry for no reason. I feel like such a hindrance sometimes because I have to keep asking them to translate things for me and then they apologize to me for not knowing more English! I’m the one that needs to be sorry for not knowing Spanish! I really feel like giving up on Spanish- I’m never going to be able to communicate. There’s way too much. They want me to start praying in Spanish and I don’t even know if I can do that! I know I can’t give up though… it’s just hard! Sunday was especially hard because I was really looking forward to going to a worship night at the English speaking church because I missed everyone and I miss worshiping in my own language. As I said, I love my family and I think I am trying to get a good balance with spending time with them, others and doing my homework, but it’s hard sometimes! They’re really great people which I am so blessed for because it definitely makes the process a lot easier! This week has felt a little long, but mostly because of my attitude. I just haven’t felt like doing anything and I’ve been getting tired really easily and then dragging myself out of bed in the morning. But I think things will definitely pick up this week with Worldview soon and then the Galapagos and everything, which is a good thing. (Or a bad thing, because I don't know if I really want it to start going fast!) We shall see! I know I just have to keep on choosing joy and choosing to have peace and rest in God!

I’ve also realized how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. I was talking to one the other day when I was kinda feeling down in the dumps because I was feeling pretty homesick and he just said something that I have really taken to heart. He said, “Something I’ve been really thinking about is how Jesus might want to use some of these isolated and stretching moments in our home-stays to draw us closer to Him. He promises to be all we need, you know? We’re not alone and we have opportunities to learn for Him to satisfy our hearts. Easier said then done I know, but keep your head up!” And when I replied that I was trying to have a good attitude he replied, “I wouldn’t doubt that you’re trying to have a good attitude. In fact, I struggle to imagine you doing anything differently than that. But don’t you think it’s more than just an attitude thing? It’s not just ‘Okay, I believe God will be enough for me’ and then we go on to try and feel better. I try that a lot, and it usually doesn’t work. And I’m not really sure how it works but I think more of a faith thing. Stepping out on His promises and taking the time to rest in Him, dependent that He will do what He says He will.”

Honestly, it kinda blew my mind. I mean, all this time I’ve been trying and trying to just have a “good attitude” and I’ve found that it really isn’t working! And that’s because it’s more of just a mask of everything that’s really going on. It’s more just, “Wow, I’m struggling with this, but oh well, I’m going to try and just be happy anyway!” I mean, it just doesn’t work that way sometimes. It’s about truly stepping on His promises and taking the time to rest in Him. To TRULY depend on Him, which is something I have seriously been neglecting to do. I mean, all this time I have just been trying do my best, do my best. Read every single word in every single book and do every single assignment and get A’s in all my classes and learn as much as I can. I want to be the best daughter and the best friend, and I want to do it all. But I really can’t do ANYTHING if I’m not relying on the love of Christ. Sometimes I really struggle because I believe that I’m really not that good at anything, and I feel like I have to try SUPER hard at anything I do in order to just be able to do it, let alone do it well. But in talking with my friends I realize that it’s seriously not about me and what I’m able to do. It’s about how God will be glorified and how HE will do great things through each and every one of us if we let Him.And when I'm focusing so much on myself, I start missing all the opportunities God is giving me each and every day to share His love! I am so consumed in doing things my way, I don't see what God is trying to show me. Once I start focusing on Him, then all of those opportunities will start opening up, I only pray that I take them!

I can be pretty impatient with myself sometimes. I can be pretty hard on myself. But I am just so blessed to have such encouraging friends. I was talking to another one and she just said, “It’s okay to cry. Sometimes crying alone is good. But I am so glad that the Holy Spirit sees what you are going through. There is a rest somewhere in this for you and maybe God is changing that definition of rest. It’s okay not to be joyful all the time. Joy isn’t always an emotion, or even an attitude. It’s a choice of choosing to hold Jesus’ hand through something. Even if you can’t always feel His hand there.”

It’s just such a beautiful thing! I mean, we are all broken! But we are all here for each other to remind each other of the awesome God we have who has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit who is DWELLING INSIDE US to give us joy, comfort and guidance! 

I just can’t say it enough. I am so blessed. So blessed to have friends who, when I’m having a rough day will talk to me about anything and listen to me about everything. When we are struggling with questions or just having a bum day, they pass up precious sleep and homework time to talk. It’s just so encouraging to know that people care. 

I mean, even tonight I was able to just go out to eat with some friends and watch the soccer game and it felt so good. 

I’m doing a lot better this week. I am truly learning how to depend and rely on God and experience even more joy inwardly, rather than just having a “good attitude.” It’s not only an amazing feeling in the heart, but it’s something that I know in my mind and in my soul. 

God is so good. God is so good. God is good, He’s so good to me.

Blessings Galore.

These past few weeks in Ecuador have been wonderful. There have been good things and bad things, but hey, that’s what adventure is all about, right? It has been starting to get a little challenging being so far away and feeling a bit disconnected from things happening back at home, but I have been having amazing experiences here in this country.

Last weekend we had the opportunity of going to Misahualli. It’s about a five hour drive from Quito to the jungle but the drive wasn’t bad at all, surprisingly, being with good friends and beautiful things to look at out the window. Plus, on the way there we were able to stop at a cave where we were able to tour through this amazing cave filled with water where we got to swim, climb and dive into waterfalls… it was so cool. When we got to the hostel in Misahualli we were welcomed with an amazing dinner (which, by the way, the food for the entire weekend was so fantastic) and got settled in for the night.

On Friday morning we set out for the schools where we would present VBS. We had the opportunity to share songs and a story with them as a group and then we split up into three different groups- games, crafts and hula! I played games with the kids and I absolutely loved them! They were so adorable and so full of love. They totally welcomed us with open arms. I loved being able to get to know them, even if it was for a few hours. Aimee and I also found a trail which was pretty sweet. I love just exploring God’s creation, it totally takes my breath away.

We also had the opportunity to build relationships with people just by spending time with them. We played basketball, soccer and Frisbee for hours. I was able to talk with two twelve year old girls while tossing around a Frisbee for a long time. I loved getting to know them and building that relationship with them and being able to share my story and hear theirs. Being able to hear what God has been doing in their lives and what they want to do makes me so excited.

On Saturday, we were able to help finish one of the cabins that they were building. We had people sanding, lacquering, sealing, painting, etc. Even though the work we were doing wasn’t hard, it was so encouraging to hear Roberto, the missionary we were working for, say how much he appreciated our hard work.

That afternoon we all went hiking up to a waterfall. So much fun! I love hiking and the waterfall was beautiful! We got to climb up and jump off the rocks, was pretty proud that I made it up (with lots of help from others, of course)! All in all, it was just a great weekend to be able to serve, worship and spend time with this community that I am a part of.

Coming back, it was time to get back to work. I have lots of work for my classes and I have a desire to do all the work and learn as much as I can, but at the same time spend time with the people that I’m here with and growing those relationships, so it can be hard to find a balance sometimes.

On Tuesday, for my Spiritual Formation class we had to participate in a four hour quiet time with God. The night before, I really wasn’t looking forward to it. I had a very selfish attitude in that I didn’t want to wake up early and I didn’t want to “waste” four hours of time when I could be finishing up homework or catching up on sleep. But it was probably the best thing I could have done for myself that day. As soon as I started out the day with just pure worship while walking around the city, I was filled with such joy I started dancing. In the middle of the sidewalk. And I am not a very good dancer. I got lots of weird looks, but I couldn’t help myself! I was just so happy! I was able to spend a lot of time reading the Bible and just soaking in His truth. I read passages from Esther, Job, Psalm and Hebrews and I was just filled with God’s truth. Something that I didn’t even realize I had been so thirsty for. I decided that for the rest of the time I wasn’t going to eat or drink so that I could be reminded how much I need Him. I was reminded of my brokenness and God’s deliverance. I also tried this whole new thing called “meditation.” Haha, ok, so it’s not new. Just new for me! I actually tried to just clear my head and listen to what God was trying to tell me. I did it for about thirty minutes and the same thing juts kept repeating in my head over and over again. He just kept telling me, “Rachel, you are in awe of the beauty of My creation. You love the sky, the sun, the stars, the tree, the animals, etc. You think all of these things are so beautiful. And yet, you forget about the most important, the most beautiful one. You. Just think about how much more beautiful you are, my child, my daughter, my love.” The other night some guys and I did the same thing. We sat down and just listened to hear what God was telling us and we would write it down. I kept asking God questions until I finally came to the questions of How do I truly surrender? How do I give up my life? God, do I disappoint you? And all I could hear Him say in return is Search me. Search for me. I’m always here. YOU ARE MINE. TRUST ME. I mean, think about that. The Creator the Universe says that you are HIS! It just blows my mind. I mean, it’s something we all know, but we forget the power behind that! It’s just crazy to think about how much He loves me, and how much I don’t give back what He deserves. I mean, seriously, I wake up super early so that I can get my homework done, but I don’t even think about waking up early so that I can spend time with God. It saddens me and I want that attitude of my heart to change. It should be the other way around!

I was also able to think a lot about the opportunities that God gives us each and every day. When I die, I desire for God to tell me, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” He’s not going to say this to me if I dilly dally through life selfishly, only thinking about what I need to get done for myself throughout the day. God gives so many opportunities throughout the day, if I only look. If I only search for them, find them, and take them.

Anyway, the rest of the week went really well, just hanging out, going to classes, doing homework, having fun… On Saturday it was Britt’s birthday so we celebrated and ate all bunch of crap. You know, all the good stuff. And that brings me to today, I’m at my host family’s house at this very moment!! I feel a little bit crazy right now and I may cry any second.

I miss being around everyone already, but I know I’ll see them soon and I am so grateful for the family that I’m with!! There’s Edwin and Rubie, the parents and then two children- Joyce and Alejandro. This family is absolutely amazing. They have welcomed me into their home with open arms and with so much love it overwhelms me. They all speak English except for Edwin, so even though I’m for sure practicing my Spanish with them, it’s comforting to know that when I’m desperate they can help! They are hilarious people with a great sense of humor and they are filled with so much care. I’ve already eaten delicious food, went walking with them arm in arm and had great conversations. (My Spanglish is awesome.) They are all so connected as a family and we even prayed all together before bed. Edwin told me that I can trust them with anything and that they pray for their children every morning and now that will include me. I am so so grateful and blessed to be here, I don’t even really know how to explain it in words.

This is going to be a great month. I just pray culture shock doesn’t suddenly slam me, and I hope I don’t get too overwhelmed with work while trying to build a relationship here.

Anyway, I feel like there is so much more I need to say, but I feel like I’ve rambled too long already! So, until next time! Chao!