Sunday, March 10, 2013

Self-Absorbed



So, as I sit here on the couch and think about all of the overwhelmingly amount of work I have to do. I think about all of the internal things that are bringing me down and I think about all the things that I have not done and should have.

And then it hits me. I am constantly thinking about me. The thing about problems and hard times, is it makes me an extremely self-centered person.

When times get tough, that is no excuse to make the world revolve around you. Even as Christians, sometimes we can get into this thing where it’s like, “I have so much to do. I need to take time with God. I need to rest in Him. I just need to rest in general. I need to… I need to… I need to… “ And all of these things are extremely important but sometimes I think we can take it over the top. Because the fact is, sometimes we are focused so much on ourselves and our problems and trying to figure out how to “fix” these things, that we forgot about loving others.

I mean, I’m studying Paul in one of my classes and I just think about all of the hard times he went through and how selfless he still was. In the midst of his pain and his trials, his thoughts were still on loving others. Of course, he found times to rest and spend time with God and get the work that he needed to do done. But he never lost sight of what was truly important. He never lost sight of what God was calling him to do.

I sat in church today forced to think about what God has done for me. The fact that Jesus suffered so much and shed His blood for me. And then I changed my thinking to what God has done for us. Jesus suffered and shed His blood for us. We are a body. We are in this together. We all have trials. We are all suffering. We all have problems. And we become so self-absorbed in our own, we forget to have compassion for others who are going through the same things.

I can love others through my trials. I am called to have a selfless love through my pain. And I can share these things with others and they can share with me.

But just because I am going through a hard time, that does not give me an excuse to throw a pity party. Hard times do not give me an excuse to only find rest for myself and to keep crying to God. As I said, I think truly crying out to God and finding rest in Him is very important. But I think sometimes we miss the point. Hard times do not give us an excuse to stop loving others.

We are called to continuously pour out Christ’s love into other people no matter the circumstance. We are in this together. And the fact is, I found that when I take the time to stop and show love to someone else, it brings me a rest and a peace that I couldn’t have found by sleeping in an extra hour or stressing over that homework assignment. It’s not only through the quiet times that I find rest, but it’s through love.

God knows we are struggling. And we may not always know where to go or what to do. But He has called us to have a desire to please Him, and I don’t think there’s a certain way that we have to do this. I think if we desire to do His will, His love will naturally flow out of us. No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find joy and peace and this can flow from our lives through love.

We said a prayer today in church that I thought was beautiful. It’s the “Prayer of Thomas Merton.” He says:

            My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
            I do not see the road ahead of me.
            I cannot know for certain where it will end.
            Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
            But I believe that my desire to please You does in fact please You.
            And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
            I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
            And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
            Therefore I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death…
            I will not fear, for You are ever with me and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

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