Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

Break my heart for what breaks yours.

I was warned that this was a dangerous prayer. I rolled my eyes and thought, “I love people. I don’t want people to go to hell. I wish there was something I could do, but there’s not.”

Some prayer, huh? I prayed this prayer pretty consistently over this past year. And each time, I broke a little more. Though it started off as a shrug of the shoulders, it has been molding into something bigger than I could imagine.

I have never been more emotional now than I have in my life. And that is saying a lot. Honestly, I am like crying all the time. God has broken me from the inside out for what is breaking His heart. There is so much in this world that breaks God’s heart. It’s hitting me hard. Slowly, over this past year, my heart has been broken more and more.

I have had struggles within myself and I have had struggles trying to understand so much in this world that I just cannot comprehend.

But what my heart is truly breaking for is His people. His people internationally and in America who are living each day without experiencing Christ’s love.

And I am sitting here in my comfortable home complaining about the homework I have to do for my education that I have been blessed with, and complaining about not having money because I spent it all on fast food.

God is slowly molding my heart to truly break for His people. To not just sit on my couch and wish I could do something more. But to actually do something. To experience true worship with God. To experience true communion. To truly love myself. To experience true prayer. To experience true love.

I am broken. I am unequipped. And that is what God uses to reach out to the broken and unequipped people in this world.

I want to share my heart with those of you who read this (Because obviously if you’re reading this, then you care… and if you’ve read this far, then you REALLY care… haha).

For those of you who don’t know, I have applied to return to TWR as a full-time missionary. I have not committed to anything yet, but I have had several interviews. Lots of questions run through my head… Oh my glob, I have so many college loans to pay back. Gosh, that’s a lot of support I have to raise. How is this ever going to be possible?

And that’s where I need to stop my thoughts in their tracks. No. This is what I’m supposed to do. I cannot see myself anywhere else but serving God’s people and showing love to those who need it. I have a desire to hear people’s stories and to truly care for them. God has given me a burden and I know this is where He is leading me.

If that is where God is leading me, He will provide. I don’t have to question it.

Honestly, I have no idea how these loans are going to be paid. Honestly, I don’t know how all of my support money will be raised. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to Ireland with the Cathedral Choir Mission in May to serve through music. Honestly, I don’t know where I’ll be, how I’ll cope with being away from friends and family, transitioning out of college and getting a job while I’m paying off loans and raising support. Honestly, I have no idea how it’s going to happen.

Yet, I somehow have peace. I am filled with an overwhelming peace and joy knowing that God will provide. And that He will provide through His people. Like you, or maybe someone I haven’t even come across yet. But I know He will provide and I don’t have to worry or be scared because God cares for His children. Things will work together for good.

And with that, for those few dedicated readers, all I ask from you now is to please pray for me. I have many decisions I need to make and I have so much on my plate that I need to do, it is easy to get overwhelmed. Pray that I have wisdom and pray that somehow, in someway, a way for my passion to be met will be made. Pray that I will not doubt God’s power to do the impossible.

Thanks, God bless. And please, if you need prayer for anything at all, let me know.