Bruises

I have been so humbled this summer. Humbled not only by learning of my self-absorption and my self-consciousness but humbled by the people around me.

I am humbled by the way I have seen Christ flowing through so many people’s lives. I don’t want to live the way I have. When people see my life, I don’t want them to see my accomplishments or even the way that I am “happy” or that I’ve done a lot of "cool" stuff, I want them to see Jesus. I want people to long for something that this world can’t satisfy.

All this time I have been trying to seek humility by focusing on things that I should or should not do. This is the opposite of what humility is because I am still focusing on myself. Humility is when my focus is centered on Christ and loving his people. It has nothing to do with me.

One person whom I have been blown away by is my friend from school, Serenity. You can visit her blog at http://authentiquesoul.com/. I can’t explain to you the experiences she’s had this summer, but if you get the chance, read it! She has now dropped everything… she’s dropped out of school, sold all she owns and is dedicating her life to full time missions and is currently attending a bootcamp for missions.

My friend Anna here at TWR. She always tell me, “Anything good of me is because of the Lord.” And Melissa who always reminds me of the perfect peace of the Lord.

I could go on and on. I’ve been stopped in my tracks as I have realized in my efforts of being humble, I have only made myself more self-centered. It is not about what I do for God but what I do with him- it is about working together with the Savior and giving up my control of what I think I should be doing for God. It's not about what I can do for God because it is still me focusing on what I can do on my own. It's about pouring into others with God because it is only with him that anything is possible. 

Obviously, mistakes are always going to be made. But Scott, another intern here, reminded me of something so important. The fact that I try, does not mean it was a failed attempt. When a baby takes it’s first step, it is more of a stumble. The baby falls on its face right away. Yet, the parents are taking pictures, recording a video and posting their baby’s first failed attempt at walking all over the web. It is a celebration, even though, in fact, the baby did not succeed at anything at all. But it is the first step toward something great. Soon, that first failed attempt will turn into walking.

When I take a step towards God, and stumble over myself and end up tripping myself and falling on my face, God doesn’t look at me and say, “Wow, what a wasted effort.” But the heavens rejoice! They rejoice at each effort taken and it’s going viral all over heaven. And God doesn’t leave me there on the ground. He is there, just as a Father would be, helping me while I get back up and learn how to walk.

We went hiking on a trail the other day and I realized the reason I fall down so much is because I'm constantly looking around me instead of where I'm going. I kinda have that problem in life too- and I can only thank God that he doesn't let me wander off but he keeps bringing me back into the right direction so I don't get lost in the woods. Hey, I'll most likely keep falling over the roots, but at least I know I'm headed in the right direction.

And you know, we’ve all got bruises from those times that we fell. I have a bruise on my left shin from Ecuador that I don’t know if it will ever go away. I mean, I got this bruise in September and instead of going away it just faded into my leg. I got a bruise just the other day when I literally fell into the car- while getting into it. Don’t ask me how that happens.

But each of these bruises, no matter if I got it on the high ropes course in Ecuador or falling into the car... each bruise holds its own story. It is through stories that we are able to connect with each other. There is not one person in this world that doesn’t have a story and no matter how different our stories are, that is something we have in common. And if we take the time to listen to one another and hear each other’s stories, our bruises really don’t look that ugly.

All this to say, as I am completing my last week here at TWR I can say I have not only learned a ton in the workplace, but I have learned a ton about myself. Learning to love as Jesus loved is a lifetime journey and I am so grateful that he has brought so many opportunities and people into my life.

These people and this organization have given me glimpses of Jesus. And these mere glimpses are more beautiful than anything I have ever seen.

Jesus, Thy Boundless Love to Me

Jesus, Thy boundless love to me, No thought can reach, no tongue declare;

O knit my thankful heart to Thee, And reign without a rival there!

Thine wholly, Thine alone, I am; Be Thou alone my constant flame.

O grant that nothing in my soul, 

May dwell but Thy pure love alone;

O may Thy love possess me whole, 

My joy, my treasure, and my crown!

All coldness from my heart remove; 

May every act and thought be love.

O Love, how gracious is Thy way! All fear before Thy presence flies;

Anguish, and sorrow melt away, where-e’er Thy healing beams arise.

O Jesus, nothing may I see, nothing desire or seek but Thee.