Home-stays, Home-sickness and Revelations.

10/16/12

So, I figured I should give you all an update BEFORE I start my week-long intensive Worldview class and then go to the Galapagos Islands… otherwise, you would have one massive post waiting for you.

Well, I believe I left off with moving into my home-stays last week. I have now been living with my family for a little over a week, and I absolutely love them! They are one of the most caring, loving, hilarious families I have ever met. They have such a great relationship with one another and they all have such a passion for God. On Saturday morning I had the opportunity to sit with them during their family devotions which consists of singing some songs and then all of us taking turns reading from the Bible which we then discuss after. It was such a great time, even though it was a little hard because the kids had to keep translating for me!

My schedule is pretty crazy, now that I have started my internship. I am working there about 25 hours a week, give or take. Plus, Spanish, Spiritual Formation and Ecuador 250. Also, with my worldview class coming up, we had to read three entire books (which we all forgot about until this past weekend… let’s just say, after this semester, I may never want to read another book again!) But, when I get home I do homework with my little brother Alejandro, who is absolutely hilarious and makes homework time so much more fun. Ruby, my mama prepares dinner which we eat a little later at night, so I get to have some family time then and we chat for a little bit afterwards, until I go up to my room so that I can really concentrate on getting my homework done and maybe catching up with some people over facebook.

This past weekend was a holiday, so everyone had Friday off. I spent a lot of time reading the books for worldview, but it was also nice to spend some extended time with my family. On Saturday it was Alejandro’s birthday, and we went to the market where the indigenous people all sell stuff for really cheap. I got to run some errands with them and then I spent a lot of time reading. On Sunday, I had the opportunity to go to my mama’s mama’s house and the ENTIRE family was there. It was really hard because I didn’t know how to communicate with them, so I didn’t know what else to do but withdraw and just read some more! But I did eat dinner with everyone and helped out with what I could and spend time with my mama.

All, that to say, even though my family is absolutely wonderful, there have been challenges. I think culture shock has finally kicked in. In the morning sometimes I wake up just wanting to cry for no reason. I feel like such a hindrance sometimes because I have to keep asking them to translate things for me and then they apologize to me for not knowing more English! I’m the one that needs to be sorry for not knowing Spanish! I really feel like giving up on Spanish- I’m never going to be able to communicate. There’s way too much. They want me to start praying in Spanish and I don’t even know if I can do that! I know I can’t give up though… it’s just hard! Sunday was especially hard because I was really looking forward to going to a worship night at the English speaking church because I missed everyone and I miss worshiping in my own language. As I said, I love my family and I think I am trying to get a good balance with spending time with them, others and doing my homework, but it’s hard sometimes! They’re really great people which I am so blessed for because it definitely makes the process a lot easier! This week has felt a little long, but mostly because of my attitude. I just haven’t felt like doing anything and I’ve been getting tired really easily and then dragging myself out of bed in the morning. But I think things will definitely pick up this week with Worldview soon and then the Galapagos and everything, which is a good thing. (Or a bad thing, because I don't know if I really want it to start going fast!) We shall see! I know I just have to keep on choosing joy and choosing to have peace and rest in God!

I’ve also realized how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. I was talking to one the other day when I was kinda feeling down in the dumps because I was feeling pretty homesick and he just said something that I have really taken to heart. He said, “Something I’ve been really thinking about is how Jesus might want to use some of these isolated and stretching moments in our home-stays to draw us closer to Him. He promises to be all we need, you know? We’re not alone and we have opportunities to learn for Him to satisfy our hearts. Easier said then done I know, but keep your head up!” And when I replied that I was trying to have a good attitude he replied, “I wouldn’t doubt that you’re trying to have a good attitude. In fact, I struggle to imagine you doing anything differently than that. But don’t you think it’s more than just an attitude thing? It’s not just ‘Okay, I believe God will be enough for me’ and then we go on to try and feel better. I try that a lot, and it usually doesn’t work. And I’m not really sure how it works but I think more of a faith thing. Stepping out on His promises and taking the time to rest in Him, dependent that He will do what He says He will.”

Honestly, it kinda blew my mind. I mean, all this time I’ve been trying and trying to just have a “good attitude” and I’ve found that it really isn’t working! And that’s because it’s more of just a mask of everything that’s really going on. It’s more just, “Wow, I’m struggling with this, but oh well, I’m going to try and just be happy anyway!” I mean, it just doesn’t work that way sometimes. It’s about truly stepping on His promises and taking the time to rest in Him. To TRULY depend on Him, which is something I have seriously been neglecting to do. I mean, all this time I have just been trying do my best, do my best. Read every single word in every single book and do every single assignment and get A’s in all my classes and learn as much as I can. I want to be the best daughter and the best friend, and I want to do it all. But I really can’t do ANYTHING if I’m not relying on the love of Christ. Sometimes I really struggle because I believe that I’m really not that good at anything, and I feel like I have to try SUPER hard at anything I do in order to just be able to do it, let alone do it well. But in talking with my friends I realize that it’s seriously not about me and what I’m able to do. It’s about how God will be glorified and how HE will do great things through each and every one of us if we let Him.And when I'm focusing so much on myself, I start missing all the opportunities God is giving me each and every day to share His love! I am so consumed in doing things my way, I don't see what God is trying to show me. Once I start focusing on Him, then all of those opportunities will start opening up, I only pray that I take them!

I can be pretty impatient with myself sometimes. I can be pretty hard on myself. But I am just so blessed to have such encouraging friends. I was talking to another one and she just said, “It’s okay to cry. Sometimes crying alone is good. But I am so glad that the Holy Spirit sees what you are going through. There is a rest somewhere in this for you and maybe God is changing that definition of rest. It’s okay not to be joyful all the time. Joy isn’t always an emotion, or even an attitude. It’s a choice of choosing to hold Jesus’ hand through something. Even if you can’t always feel His hand there.”

It’s just such a beautiful thing! I mean, we are all broken! But we are all here for each other to remind each other of the awesome God we have who has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit who is DWELLING INSIDE US to give us joy, comfort and guidance! 

I just can’t say it enough. I am so blessed. So blessed to have friends who, when I’m having a rough day will talk to me about anything and listen to me about everything. When we are struggling with questions or just having a bum day, they pass up precious sleep and homework time to talk. It’s just so encouraging to know that people care. 

I mean, even tonight I was able to just go out to eat with some friends and watch the soccer game and it felt so good. 

I’m doing a lot better this week. I am truly learning how to depend and rely on God and experience even more joy inwardly, rather than just having a “good attitude.” It’s not only an amazing feeling in the heart, but it’s something that I know in my mind and in my soul. 

God is so good. God is so good. God is good, He’s so good to me.

Blessings Galore.

These past few weeks in Ecuador have been wonderful. There have been good things and bad things, but hey, that’s what adventure is all about, right? It has been starting to get a little challenging being so far away and feeling a bit disconnected from things happening back at home, but I have been having amazing experiences here in this country.

Last weekend we had the opportunity of going to Misahualli. It’s about a five hour drive from Quito to the jungle but the drive wasn’t bad at all, surprisingly, being with good friends and beautiful things to look at out the window. Plus, on the way there we were able to stop at a cave where we were able to tour through this amazing cave filled with water where we got to swim, climb and dive into waterfalls… it was so cool. When we got to the hostel in Misahualli we were welcomed with an amazing dinner (which, by the way, the food for the entire weekend was so fantastic) and got settled in for the night.

On Friday morning we set out for the schools where we would present VBS. We had the opportunity to share songs and a story with them as a group and then we split up into three different groups- games, crafts and hula! I played games with the kids and I absolutely loved them! They were so adorable and so full of love. They totally welcomed us with open arms. I loved being able to get to know them, even if it was for a few hours. Aimee and I also found a trail which was pretty sweet. I love just exploring God’s creation, it totally takes my breath away.

We also had the opportunity to build relationships with people just by spending time with them. We played basketball, soccer and Frisbee for hours. I was able to talk with two twelve year old girls while tossing around a Frisbee for a long time. I loved getting to know them and building that relationship with them and being able to share my story and hear theirs. Being able to hear what God has been doing in their lives and what they want to do makes me so excited.

On Saturday, we were able to help finish one of the cabins that they were building. We had people sanding, lacquering, sealing, painting, etc. Even though the work we were doing wasn’t hard, it was so encouraging to hear Roberto, the missionary we were working for, say how much he appreciated our hard work.

That afternoon we all went hiking up to a waterfall. So much fun! I love hiking and the waterfall was beautiful! We got to climb up and jump off the rocks, was pretty proud that I made it up (with lots of help from others, of course)! All in all, it was just a great weekend to be able to serve, worship and spend time with this community that I am a part of.

Coming back, it was time to get back to work. I have lots of work for my classes and I have a desire to do all the work and learn as much as I can, but at the same time spend time with the people that I’m here with and growing those relationships, so it can be hard to find a balance sometimes.

On Tuesday, for my Spiritual Formation class we had to participate in a four hour quiet time with God. The night before, I really wasn’t looking forward to it. I had a very selfish attitude in that I didn’t want to wake up early and I didn’t want to “waste” four hours of time when I could be finishing up homework or catching up on sleep. But it was probably the best thing I could have done for myself that day. As soon as I started out the day with just pure worship while walking around the city, I was filled with such joy I started dancing. In the middle of the sidewalk. And I am not a very good dancer. I got lots of weird looks, but I couldn’t help myself! I was just so happy! I was able to spend a lot of time reading the Bible and just soaking in His truth. I read passages from Esther, Job, Psalm and Hebrews and I was just filled with God’s truth. Something that I didn’t even realize I had been so thirsty for. I decided that for the rest of the time I wasn’t going to eat or drink so that I could be reminded how much I need Him. I was reminded of my brokenness and God’s deliverance. I also tried this whole new thing called “meditation.” Haha, ok, so it’s not new. Just new for me! I actually tried to just clear my head and listen to what God was trying to tell me. I did it for about thirty minutes and the same thing juts kept repeating in my head over and over again. He just kept telling me, “Rachel, you are in awe of the beauty of My creation. You love the sky, the sun, the stars, the tree, the animals, etc. You think all of these things are so beautiful. And yet, you forget about the most important, the most beautiful one. You. Just think about how much more beautiful you are, my child, my daughter, my love.” The other night some guys and I did the same thing. We sat down and just listened to hear what God was telling us and we would write it down. I kept asking God questions until I finally came to the questions of How do I truly surrender? How do I give up my life? God, do I disappoint you? And all I could hear Him say in return is Search me. Search for me. I’m always here. YOU ARE MINE. TRUST ME. I mean, think about that. The Creator the Universe says that you are HIS! It just blows my mind. I mean, it’s something we all know, but we forget the power behind that! It’s just crazy to think about how much He loves me, and how much I don’t give back what He deserves. I mean, seriously, I wake up super early so that I can get my homework done, but I don’t even think about waking up early so that I can spend time with God. It saddens me and I want that attitude of my heart to change. It should be the other way around!

I was also able to think a lot about the opportunities that God gives us each and every day. When I die, I desire for God to tell me, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” He’s not going to say this to me if I dilly dally through life selfishly, only thinking about what I need to get done for myself throughout the day. God gives so many opportunities throughout the day, if I only look. If I only search for them, find them, and take them.

Anyway, the rest of the week went really well, just hanging out, going to classes, doing homework, having fun… On Saturday it was Britt’s birthday so we celebrated and ate all bunch of crap. You know, all the good stuff. And that brings me to today, I’m at my host family’s house at this very moment!! I feel a little bit crazy right now and I may cry any second.

I miss being around everyone already, but I know I’ll see them soon and I am so grateful for the family that I’m with!! There’s Edwin and Rubie, the parents and then two children- Joyce and Alejandro. This family is absolutely amazing. They have welcomed me into their home with open arms and with so much love it overwhelms me. They all speak English except for Edwin, so even though I’m for sure practicing my Spanish with them, it’s comforting to know that when I’m desperate they can help! They are hilarious people with a great sense of humor and they are filled with so much care. I’ve already eaten delicious food, went walking with them arm in arm and had great conversations. (My Spanglish is awesome.) They are all so connected as a family and we even prayed all together before bed. Edwin told me that I can trust them with anything and that they pray for their children every morning and now that will include me. I am so so grateful and blessed to be here, I don’t even really know how to explain it in words.

This is going to be a great month. I just pray culture shock doesn’t suddenly slam me, and I hope I don’t get too overwhelmed with work while trying to build a relationship here.

Anyway, I feel like there is so much more I need to say, but I feel like I’ve rambled too long already! So, until next time! Chao!

Guinea Pig Tastes Like Chicken.

Ok, ok, I’m super tired right now, but I feel like if I don’t do this today, it’ll never happen. So, sorry for incoherency. Lots of things have happened since I’ve last posted, but I posted the Living and Learning blog to try and keep you updated, plus my statuses and pictures and stuff. 

Anyway, I guess I’ll start with the Changing of the Guards. That was a super fun time where we went to the Presidential Palace and we got to see a big Ecuadorian event (though apparently they do this every Monday…) but there were still a decent amount of people there, there was a protest going on, and we got to see the Ecuadorian President! And can’t forget the part where he waves at us!

The rest of the week I started classes (and continued with Spanish and Ecuador 250). Spanish has been really intensive and really challenging. Though I did get a 95 on my second Spanish test which I was really happy about! Though, as far as production, I still need a lot of work! Everyone in my Spanish class is really great, they’re very encouraging and hard workers so it definitely makes the class much more bearable! I started my Spiritual Formation class on Tuesday, bright and early at 8am! I feel like this class is going to be extremely challenging for me, but at the same time, extremely good for me. Lately, I have been struggling with setting aside quiet time for God. As you all know, I love being around people, I love doing activities and constantly being on the go. So, sadly, quiet time with God has not been on my priority list lately and I feel like that has really taken a toll on my spiritual growth. Actually, I know it has. This class will really help me to intentionally set aside time for God to read the Bible and pray and to really grow in my spiritual life, so I’m pretty excited.

One thing I love about being here is the community. Every Tuesday the girls have community dinner, then on Wednesdays, we have dinner and chapel together with everyone and then on Fridays we have community dinners with the guys. The guys actually cooked for all of us this past Friday and it was AMAZING. Homemade tortillas, chicken and veggies, guacamole, salsa… I know I’m forgetting more! And desert, oh my goodness, it was so great. The girls have done an amazing job at cooking too, seriously, community dinners are just great. But aside from the food, I love spending time with this group. All of them have such an awesome passion for God and for supporting each other and I think this group is so rare in the fact that we all literally get along with each other. So much fun. We also love to go to coffee shops. I have been exploring some new things! (But still very sweet things, sorry Tim, not there yet…) I love just going to coffee shops and watching the culture around me. It’s just so interesting!

The Spanish churches here are awesome as well. I love the Spanish worship, they are so passionate through their singing and dancing and just through the way they speak. But since it was so hard for me to understand the message, I decided to try out the English Speaking Church this week. I don’t know if I’ll end up going back, but I liked it ok. I made friends, though, which was great! A few of us ended up going out to lunch with two girls, and Jasmyn and I have a coffee date with another girl. They are here with other study abroad programs, but we’re all working on Spanish so it’ll be nice to have other girls to study and hang out with! Pretty excited. 

Today, we went to a place called El Refugio. It was absolutely awesome! Despite the fact that we had to get up super early in the morning, it was totally worth it. It’s a beautiful place filled with so much nature, so we started the morning with a “nice” hike up a mountain. After that, we did a few team games where we really focused on trust and communication. This followed in to our low ropes course game where we had to get everyone across just using three boards and some logs sticking up out the ground. Sadly, we didn’t accomplish this because we were on limited time and we had a few obstacles because of certain rules…  there was also another game where there was a net set  up kinda like a giant spider web and we had to get everyone through a different hole! It’s a little hard to explain, but I’m sure it’ll be posted somewhere and I’ll share it with you. We did complete it! From there we went to the high ropes course which was a completely different experience for me! I teamed up with Mckenzie, we got in our harnesses and took off! We had to walk across a tight rope, then we had to walk across another tight rope by holding on to each other’s shoulders (keep in mind, when you look down, you are SUPER far off of the ground on top of trees and stuff!) THEN we had to go through this course where there are hanging, swinging triangles and you have to get across like ten of them. This was extremely difficult. Mckenzie and I both fell, so instead of walking across all of them we kinda were sitting… and by the time we go to the end, we were EXHAUSETD. So, to get up, we had to pull ourselves back up onto this cord but our upper body strength was so spent it took a little while to get up… or… a long while… but hey, we made it!! A few tears and hugs later, I was back on the ground… but not for long! I teamed up with Drew to go on two more courses, one where you literally had to jump from board to board… which was pretty scary, especially because it was raining which made the boards slippery! But hey, we made a pretty good team if I do say so myself. I felt pretty beastly by the end. But after we were all done we were greeted back with some hot drinks, potato pancakes, steak, coleslaw, watermelon, lemonade and… dare I say it… guinea pig. It actually wasn’t that bad! I mean, as long as you don’t look at the head… that still looks like the animal… and I don’t recommend watching Drew pull the tongue out for Kim to eat ever again.

I am so excited to be a part of this team this semester. If I learned anything from today, it’s that I have the most supportive and encouraging team ever. Even though we have some natural born leaders, and some really competitive people, while others are natural followers and extremely non-competitive we all respect and admire each other’s given gifts and instead of fighting against them we work together. I appreciate that about this team so much. It’s just crazy to think that God chose each and every one of us out of the whole United States (and Canada!) and put us here together and we all work so well together. It’s a very rare thing. Our unity as a group is amazing, seeing that we’ve only been here three weeks!

It seems so long, yet it seems so short. It’s crazy to think about all the exciting opportunities coming up such as going to the jungle, moving to our homestays and starting our internships soon! Prayer is definitely appreciated!

God has just been teaching me so much about community as well as myself. I have been constantly reminded about my identity in Christ and about my worth and value of being a daughter of God. I have struggled with that in the past, thinking that I’m not good enough and sometimes feel like giving up because I’m tired of disappointing Him. But I have been so blessed to be reminded over and over again that my value does not come from the things that I do, it comes with my satisfaction in Christ. I will never understand His love, but that’s the great thing about it. His love is just so incomprehensible, it is so indescribable and that’s what makes it so wonderful.

I have already had my life impacted so much and it isn’t even close to being over! I just can’t explain how excited I am to grow closer to this team and to grow closer to my Loving Savior.

Orientation

Orientation

The waiting is over! As you all know, I left for Ecuador on Tuesday. It was a long plane ride, but I got to meet one of the girls on the layover which was great and calmed my nerves! But sadly, the entertainment system didn’t work until half the plane ride was over but I got to watch “The Lucky One” and some Phineas and Ferb to waste the time. 

Anyway, we got the airport and got through immigration very easily, met up with our leader and drove to the apartment! The apartment is in the nicer part of the city, close to the airport. I got to meet some of the girls that night before unpacking and getting to bed.

The girls here are amazing. They all have an incredible passion for the Lord as well as an incredible passion to have fun! Orientation was so much fun with them. The guys are awesome as well. There are only two guys, and nine girls. The guys are hilarious but know how to be gentleman and I can’t wait to get to know everyone more!

I’m still pretty nervous about getting around the city, but I’m getting more comfortable as we walk around. We walk a lot! The "trole" is also an important part of getting around and it’s only twenty-five cents to go as long as you want! Taxis are pretty cheap to which we use to get around at night and it mostly costs between 1 and 5 dollars! I just have to start paying attention more and keep up my motivation to learn the language. I’m super excited to see what God has in store for me this semester!

Trolleys are absolutely crazy. You literally are smashed. Like, you can’t fall because you’re completely surrounded by people. You have to smash yourself inside or you’ll be left behind. We also have to keep an eye out for pick pocketers… Mackenzie already got her camera swiped! But yes, we took the trolley to Old Quito, which was so cool. There were mimes walking around and we had delicious empanados and giant hot chocolate that we all shared.

Being here has really shown me that learning the culture isn’t as important for me, as it is for them. Learning the language and their culture show them that you care. That’s how you show them love and that’s how they become comfortable to accept it. Jesus came down and became like us to show us His love. That’s what being here is about. Learning to be like them so that I can show them love to the best of my ability.

Anyway, I’m going to be all over the place… we went on a scavenger hunt to go all around the city which was amazing! It was the perfect day to see some sights in Quito. I was on a team with Aimee and Chris and had so much fun! It was really funny because both of them are super competitive unlike me, but I loved it! We got to explore Old Quito and we went to the Plaza Grande where we grabbed some French fries and took a picture in front of the Presidential Palace which is beautiful! We also went to the Basilica which is absolutely amazing and totally worth the awful stair climb to get to the top! We were able to explore neat places that we could eat or go shopping.

I absolutely love this beautiful city, though the altitude is still getting some used to! Being 10,000 up makes it kinda hard to breathe sometimes! There’s a lot still to learn but I feel like I know how to get money out, get to the grocery store, and get around… as long as I’m with other people I’m ok! I feel like I’ll appreciate the city even more when I learn the language! Right now, I’m just lifting up my fears to God and really praying that I will not lose my motivation to learn the language and the culture so I can truly love these people to the best of my ability.

Going to the equator was AWESOME as well. We got to do all kinds of cool things like balance an egg on a nail, and try to walk on the equator line. We learned all kinds of things about the tribes that used to live there and traditions… it was a pretty cool place. We also went zip-lining which was SWEET. There were about thirteen zip-lines over the mountains with trees and it was breath-taking. Literally. For dinner, we went to the amazing place with the most wonderful view of the city at night. There was delicious food (I had hot chocolate with cheese in it!!) and there was live music which was so much fun because we got to dance! The guys even got dressed up!

Finally, today, we were able to choose a church to go to, so a bunch of us decided to go to the Spanish speaking church. That was really difficult. I couldn’t understand anything that was said, but luckily, there were slides that I could read so that I could get the gist of the message. It was about the silence of God. Why is He silent and how do you deal with it? I met nice people, but I may try the English speaking church next week. I feel like church is a time to grow spiritually and trying to understand the language takes away from that. My friend Jasmyn mentioned that there’s just something about having the Word of God spoken in your native tongue that makes it special. I think there’s truth to that. I still may try another Spanish speaking church, but I think I need to wait until I can understand it more.

Also, today was milestone moment. I went grocery shopping for myself for the first time ever. I made a grocery list and everything. It was pretty legit. I’m excited. I still can’t really cook, so I just bought like chicken nuggets and pasta and lunchmeat and stuff, but hey, baby steps!

Anyway, continue praying for me when you think of it. Living in a community like this is AWESOME right now, but I don’t think I’ve hit the “culture shock” part yet. So, just pray that I’ll handle it well when it comes. Also, we start classes tomorrow… three hour Spanish class! I really want to get rid of all my selfish desires and lay down everything before God. I have such a desire to love these people and I know I can’t do it alone. I need God. I want Him to use me. I want the  joy of the Lord to be so clear to these people.

I’m having so much fun here so far, but my purpose here is to be a follower of God. To learn all I can and try to make a difference. Whether I see any results, or if I’m just planting seeds, whether it’s for the people here in Ecuador or even the people on my team, I need to put aside any sign of selfishness and learn to love with all my being. After all, love is the greatest commandment. It’s time to put that in motion.

Freak Out.

So, as most of you know, I am getting ready to study abroad in Ecuador. September to December. In a different country. That doesn't speak my language. I've been excited up until this day... as the realization of the closeness of the change comes to mind. I am going through what they call a "freak out." I can't do this. I'm not going to learn the language. I'm not going to have friends. I'm going to get lost. I'm going to get sick. I'm going to struggle in my classes. I'm not going to do well at my internship. Something is going to go wrong. I'm going to miss my family and friends too much... The list goes on and on. But at the same time, I am so excited I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm going to experience a brand new culture and I am going to have the experience of a lifetime. How am I possibly supposed to prepare for this when I don't even know how to feel?

First off, I had to give myself a heart check. This trip is not just a trip where I will be studying and learning. I will be challenged and I will be serving. Not only will I be learning about missions, but we are actually going to be serving these people. We will be going on missions trips and helping with children... and we will be serving these people with ourselves. Everything we do will be a ministry. People will be watching us and they know who we are representing. And that's when I realized I needed a serious attitude check. I have been extremely selfish these past few weeks. (And actually, probably way longer than that...) I have been inwardly angry and confused at God for not providing for me. Like, WHAT?! I am now angry and confused at myself for having an attitude like this against God. How dare I. How dare I?! How dare I tell God that He is not providing for me, when I am blessed with wonderful family and friends, when I live in America with freedom, where I am never hungry or thirsty, where I am privileged to be going to a University that gives me a wonderful education, where I was blessed to be able to travel to Israel this summer and I now have the opportunity to spend an entire semester in Ecuador.

And I say He's not providing for me. Because I have some financial issues. Which is mostly my fault because I suck at saving money.

I am shocked at myself because I questioned what God's plan for my life is. I questioned whether I want to go into ministry. And you know, I still don't know exactly what God's plan for my life is. I'm still not sure whether He's calling me into ministry or if He has something else in mind. But I have no right to say that He's not providing for me because He didn't make me rich. That's not what following Him is about. Following God doesn't solve your problems. You don't get whatever you want just because you asked for it "in His name." You know, I had this vision of myself going to South Africa next summer for a Trans World Radio internship, but it probably won't happen because of financial reasons, BUT what it comes down to is, why did I want that internship? Did I want that internship because I wanted to be part of a ministry that served God? Or did I want that internship because I selfishly wanted to travel to a cool place and work at something awesome because I liked it for myself. When I really honestly and brutally think about it, it was probably the latter. I want to serve Him, not myself, and sometimes that means not doing everything I want, but doing what God wants. And when it's all said and done, what God wants me to do always ends up so much better and is always so much more rewarding.

God has provided so much for me in my life. And though I am nervous about spending an entire semester in Ecuador with people I don't know, I couldn't be more excited. Because I know that if I keep trusting in my Provider, He will lead me.

Who knows what will happen this semester. But I couldn't be happier to share yet another experience with you through this blog. I know God will be working in me and through me once again and He will be the one to overtake the selfish desires within me. In my life I only want to serve Him and share His love with the world. And when I do that, the desires of my life will be fulfilled.

The Final Day.

July 10

Today was a pretty emotional day. Our last day together. It was a good day, though! We started off the day helping with an archaeological sift. I was surprised by how fun it was! When Bruce and Chris had first mentioned that we were going to be doing it, I was excited but I also was thinking it was going to be a little bit boring because I expected us to be just digging in the dirt and finding nothing at all. But that’s not how it was at all! First of all, we were sifting through Temple Mount dirt and we found all kinds of things! Mostly, we found a lot of pottery, but we also found glass, mosaic, metal, precious stones… we found a really pretty mosaic glass. I was teamed up with Heather and Priscilla and we had actually found a cool piece of copper with this green stuff on it and they said that it might have been a coin! We never found out though because they didn’t get it figured out before we left… but when we were all done we got to go through all the pieces that were found that day and date them which was pretty awesome. I mean, some of these things were pretty old!!

After we were done sifting, we had to the opportunity to go to the Temple Mount and see the Dome of the Rock. It really is a beautiful place. It was cool to imagine where the actual temple was, with the Holy of Holies, etc. But Chris made a really good point. He said, it’s a good thing that we don’t have the temple anymore, because we don’t need the temple anymore! The temple was there because the people needed to go and make sacrifices to atone for their sins. But guess what, Yeshua was the last and ultimate sacrifice! Our sins are atoned for through Him!

From the Temple Mount we went to the Garden Tomb. This was one of my favorite places. We got to see where Yeshua was thought to be crucified, which they said that He probably wasn’t crucified on a hill like tradition says. He was actually probably crucified by the main road because then people would be able to see Him. We also went to see the tomb where Yeshua is thought to have been buried in. This was a really awesome place to be. It was crazy to think about and it really just confirmed more the faith that I have because if Yeshua is not alive, then our faith is worthless. The fact is, He is alive! And now, in my faith, I need to go past the basics of the scripture and really start to understand the gospel in its fullness. There is more to the scripture then, He is alive, He lives in us! And now we must grow in the grace and knowledge and EXPERIENCE Him by allowing His life to grow in us. We need to rely on His spirit BY FAITH. We had communion here and I just started crying. I couldn’t stop crying because I realized that I forgot about Yeshua. I mean, everyone who knows me knows that I am a forgetful person. I forget about important things. I forget about birthdays. But I have no excuse for forgetting about Yeshua. I go through life without a thought, going my own way and little do I know I forget about the One who humbled Himself to come and live a lowly life only to die… but He has risen and He has left us with His Spirit who is here to guide us so that we not only can spend an eternity with Him, but we can live life with His presence right now! And I forget! I cried because I realized I was putting so many other things above Him. He was being put on the back burner of my life. And I’m sorry. All I could do was pray about how sorry I was. But the wonderful thing about our God is that He forgives. And He gives us chance after chance to come running back to Him. And He will catch us with open arms. Wow. What a God we serve.

It was really hard going to the airport and knowing this may be the last time we’re all together. It was a long plane ride, but the goodbye at the Philadelphia airport felt longer. These people have become such a huge part of my heart, I call them my friends and it was so sad to watch them go. Life must go on, but they have helped me to love Jesus more. Kaytra introduced us to a song called, “Will You Love Jesus More?” and I think it accurately describes this team. It says:

“I feel quite sure if I did my best, I could maybe impress you, with tender words and a harmony, a clever rhyme or two. But if all I’ve done in the time we’ve shared, is turn your eyes on me, then I’ve failed at what I’ve been called to do, there’s someone else I want you to see. I’d like to keep these memories, in frames of gold and silver. And reminisce a year from now about the smiles that we’ve shared. But above all else I hope you will come to know the Father’s love, when you see the Lord face to face, you’ll hear Him say “well done.” Will you love Jesus more, when we go our different ways? When this moment is a memory, will you remember His face? Will you look back and realize, you sensed His love more than you did before? I’d pray for nothing less, than for you to love Jesus more.”

Well, I can tell you all. This team has definitely helped me to love Jesus more, and every time I remember this trip, I will remember how they helped me to grow in my relationship with my Savior more than ever before.

And with this, I conclude my blog post. My goal for this trip was to share God’s love and I believe God worked through this team. I believe He worked through us with His love and I believe that we made a difference. We were able to be lights in the darkness. Like pink camouflage in a green world. Shining bright like the stars in the universe, like Paul says in Philippians. I also learned so much from the people of Israel, especially the members of the Kehila. They were such an encouragement and they were so full of love and joy. But God was also able to share more of His love with me. I have experienced God’s love in a way I never have before. And I have experienced love through this team. This team was abounding in love. There was never a day that I did not feel loved. I can’t even begin to explain this adventure of a lifetime. Love was everywhere. It was shared, it was experienced and it will never be forgotten. I have learned, I have been challenged and now that I am home I pray that I will keep learning and keep being challenged and that I will not go back to the way I was. I will keep striving to be better than who I was. I am so blessed to have been able to have this opportunity. God had a plan and I can only thank Him for this wonderful experience.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and has been praying for me. Thank you for following my blog and caring for me. Thank you to my team who has changed me for the better. I could go on and on about my gratitude, but I don’t think it would ever end. So, thank you.

I leave you with these two thoughts.

“I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:16-19).

“I rejoiced with those who said to me, ‘Let us go the house of the LORD.’ Our feet are standing in your gates, Jerusalem. Jerusalem is built like a city that is closely compacted together. That is where the tribes go up- the tribes of the LORD- to praise the name of the LORD according the statute given to Israel. There stand the thrones for judgment, the thrones of the house of David. Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: ‘May those who love you be secure. May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.’ For the sake of my family and friends, I will say, ‘Peace be within you.’ For the sake of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your prosperity” (Psalm 122).

 

I Once Was Blind but Now I See.

July 9

Today was definitely jam packed. We started by going back to the Western Wall, except this time we went under it! It was the Western Wall Excavation Tunnel It was really cool being able to learn more about Herod’s Temple. We got to stand on first temple period ground!

Afterward, we went to the Pool of Bethesda where Yeshua healed a man and we went to St. Anne’s church where Catholic tradition says is the home of Mary’s parents. This church was a beautiful place (and sadly, I can’t remember much because there was a really cute kitten that was terribly distracting.) But I do remember going inside and singing because it had wonderful acoustics! We sang Amazing Grace and Bruce, Kaytra, Danielle and Suzanne sang “Wonderful, Merciful, Savior” and I will never forget how beautiful it sounded.

From there we went to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which was a really interesting place. I wasn’t a huge fan of it. It was just so gaudy! They had huge decorations where traditions says Yeshua was crucified and had a huge ugly tomb where tradition told them He was buried. It was just sad because there are different religions that own the church and none of them can agree over anything and they all argue over everything. That is the exact opposite of what the church should be. It was just very sad.

After grabbing some lunch (pizza!) we went to the City of David! We got to see a neat little movie in 3D about Hezekiah’s Tunnel and then off we went! The water was pretty cold, but you got used to it after a while. It usually didn’t go past your ankles. It was really neat being able to go through and sing songs (as usual!) We even got to be at the place where Solomon was anointed! It was also cool because we got to see an exact replica of writing they found in the tunnel that proved that the way the tunnel was made was people dug from either side and met in the middle!

We came out of the tunnel by the Pool of Siloam where Yeshua healed the man who was born blind by putting mud on his eyes and telling him to wash at the Pool of Siloam! It was crazy to think about the faith this blind man must have had to walk all the way to the Pool of Siloam after "some man" puts mud on your eyes. But it was by his faith that he was healed! We also got to walk on the first temple road which was by the corner of the temple at the western and southern part of the wall. This was the first time that an ORIGINS team got to do this because the road had just opened up, so that was pretty cool! A lot of it was actually in the sewer, but it was still a lot of fun. 

We ended up at the southern part of the temple wall where they still had original stairs where Yeshua and His disciples (and a lot more people!) would have walked up to get to the entrance to the temple! So, that was pretty cool. I mean, there’s not a lot of places where you can KNOW you are where Yeshua was, but this is a place we know He would have been! He preached at the temple all the time! That is where He would have entered! So crazy!

We ended the day by watching a movie with a weird guy who had really bad facial hair and was holding a random lemon. I get distracted very easily, in case you couldn’t tell. 

The end of the night was very hard. It was our last night spending together at the hotel so we had a “farewell meeting.” We played “Never Have I Ever” and beat each other up ;) and then “Four on a Couch” which was tons of fun. Then the tears came. We watched a slideshow of our trip and then we went around and told Bruce all the things we appreciated about him since it was his last year. We also went around and told each other everything we appreciated and learned from one another. I can’t even begin to explain how much this group has encouraged and challenged me. Each and every one of them has taught me something different about myself and have challenged me in so many ways to grow in my relationship with God. It’s very hard knowing that after this trip we’re all going to be in our separate lives again.

Sorry I can’t remember everything in great detail, but I’m writing this back at home after a long plane ride and jet lag. It’s the best I can do without getting emotional all over again!