dealing with uncertainty

"I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability, limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy and creativity to name a few."

This quote rings true with many of us. Uncertainty may be one of the largest reasons people hold back. It is because of uncertainty that people don't follow their dreams. It is because of uncertainty that people don't tell people how they really feel. It is because of uncertainty that people put up walls and boundaries. It is because of uncertainty that people don't put their ideas out there. 

I am writing today not because I have some "cure" for uncertainty. Uncertainty will always be there and will always be a part of our every day lives. We will never be certain about the things we think we are certain about. In the back of our minds of everything we do, there is always that nagging thought that nothing is definite. There will be always a little bit of doubt in our minds that what we are doing is the wrong thing. 

I'm writing today because this uncertainty at times will control me. I live my life in the fear of uncertainty. I wake up and I say, "It's going to be a great day!" But then uncertainty crowds my minds with "what if" questions and telling me that I'll never be good enough to accomplish the things I need in order to succeed. I become unmotivated and depressed and instead of really trying at life, I find comfort in the cozy chair and watch endless amounts of Netflix. "It doesn't matter," I think. "If I'm not actually going to accomplish anything I should just skip all the strife and start doing where I'm going to end up. On this chair of failure and discontent." 

And among the attacks of uncertainty, we don't listen to the one thing we can be certain in. Christ's love. His whisper is in there if we choose to listen. 

I think we choose to listen to uncertainty because it is easier. It is easier to give up. It is easier to blame our circumstances on things that we don't know. It's easier for us to accept our failures and decide to live a mediocre life. 

If we actually listened to the voice we can be certain in, we would have no choice but to do something. When I hear the voice of Certainty it is saying, "I am certain in  your future. I am certain in your love, belonging, trust, joy and creativity. I am certain that I will be with you when things are bad and when things are good. I am certain that even when it's not OK, I will be taking care of you. I am certain that you will succeed if you follow me." 

Of course, it's not always easy to follow the voice of Certainty because it requires trust. But I would much rather trust in certainty of God's love than the destruction of uncertainty. 

I'm still going to be uncertain about my future. I'm still going to have doubts. But I will not let myself live in these things. Instead, I choose to listen to the voice of Certainty and I know that even when it's not OK, it is well. And instead of letting the loud thoughts destroy me, I will find peace in God's whisper. 




I would like to thank all that are supporting and praying for me in my process of support raising. There is a lot of uncertainty in this process, but it is because of people like you that remind me I can be certain that God is here. 

If you have any questions about my ministry vision and financial goals please email me at rpearson@twr.org.