Perspective

A little more than a year ago, I was sitting on a beach in Ecuador. For three and a half months I was surrounded by people from all over who all had a unique relationship with God. One thing that I learned there was that I was lacking a unique relationship with God myself. Sure, I had a relationship, but it was dull. There was something missing.

One of my classes was called Spiritual Formation in which we had to do activities such as reading the Bible every day, or fasting for 24 hours, or spending four hours in silence and solitude. All things that should be a habit, yet I was doing none of those things. I also observed as one of the other girls there read her Bible every day. She always had challenges against God and questions that would only draw her closer in her relationship with him.

I realized I was missing one of the most important aspects of a unique relationship with God-- reading the Bible. I mean, it was so simple. Someone who had been a Christian her whole life had heard it over and over again, “if you want to be close with God, you must read your Bible and pray.” Yet, every time I brushed it off. Yeah, yeah, whatever. But while in Ecuador, I realized just how true that statement really is. So, however cliché you want to see this, my New Year’s Resolution was to read the Bible in a year. Today, I finished my last chapter. And how rewarding it feels! I feel so much closer to God than I ever have- as I have never been a regular Bible reader. I never understood when people said they “anticipated” having quiet time with God. Honestly, it was always something I thought wasn’t worth the time. I am a busy person after all. That was exactly my problem.

I’ve been reading a book called “Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God.” Honestly, starting Christmas break I was a little bit angry. I was angry that I couldn’t hear the voice of God. I was reading all these stories about how people just “knew” that God was telling them something. They read something in the Bible that spoke to them. They heard God’s voice in prayer. And I’m sitting here, waiting for God to tell me something, and I’ve got nothing. I mean, I think I hear stuff, but how do I know that it’s God talking me? How do I know I’m not just talking to myself? Upon reading this book, I realized I had a very self-centered perspective on God’s will for my life. I realized I have been so busy attempting to do things for God, I had not spent time enjoying fellowship with God. There’s a passage in the book that really changed my perspective.

“’What is God’s will for my life?’ is not the best question to ask. The better inquiry is, ‘What is God’s will?’ Because people are naturally self-centered, we tend to view the whole world- even God’s activity- in terms of our own lives. Of course, we want to know what we should do and how events will affect us. But that is actually an inverted life-perspective. Once I know God’s will, then my life gains its proper perspective, and I can adjust my life to Him and to His purposes. In other words, what is it that God is purposing to accomplish where I am? Once I know what God is doing, then I see what I should do.

My focus needs to be outward on God and His purposes, not inward on my life.”

Wow. As I was reading, it hit me that this doesn’t come without a relationship. I cannot do any of this in my own strength, but only through seeking his will and becoming involved where he is already working. God will equip us! I’ve had a very self-centered approach to spiritual gifts. I’ve always thought we were given a certain spiritual gift and then I can choose a ministry that suits me according to that gift. But in fact, the common pattern God has used in the Bible is that first he gives a task, and then a gift in order to accomplish that task.

“Your focus should be on God living His life through you to accomplish His purposes. When you concentrate on a particular gift you receive in order to do something for God, your attention is usually on self rather than on God.”

God gives us gifts for certain tasks. What my gift is right now is for a task that he has given me at this time. But it doesn’t mean that I should eliminate all opportunities that don’t fall in my “gift expertise.” Whatever God calls me to do, he will equip me.

It all depends on my love relationship with him and my obedience to his call. That is the single most important thing in life. We must stop living for time or else we will miss the ultimate purpose for creation. If we are to be God-centered instead of self-centered it is a daily denial of self and submission to God. “When you’re God-centered, even the desires to do things that please God come from God’s stirring in your heart.”

How can I be sure that I am distinguishing God’s desire from my own? How can I be sure that my desires are his? I’m still seeking. I’m still trying to figure out whether “opened and closed” doors exist or if they’re an analogy to find an easy way out. But I do know that the key to finding these things out is a relationship with God. I think of George Mueller, a spiritual hero of mine, and think about his relationship with God.

I know I need to slow down. I am in a rush to know all the answers. If I am worried about deception I just need to remember, “I’m determined not to focus on Satan- he is defeated. Christ, who guides me and implements His will through me, is the victor.”

I am listening. I am waiting. God has promised to be my guide, and he will not fail me. I absolutely love the lyrics in the song “Oceans” by Hillsong. “You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep, my faith will stand… Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you’ve never failed and you won’t start now…”

I’m still learning what it looks like to trust without borders. I’m still learning what it looks like to go deeper than my feet could ever wander. To be fully in the presence of my Savior.

This break has been very encouraging. Meeting up with friends who will challenge me and encourage me. And now, having time by myself every morning. As you know, I’m an extremely extroverted person and love being around people at all times. But these days of being alone have been so beneficial for me as I prepare to go to my TWR orientation to decide whether to commit to a position there. I will be headed to Cary, North Carolina next week, so I would appreciate your prayers as I take the next step to making this decision. From there I embark on my last semester at JBU.

While being here alone and really meditating on the song “Oceans” and really surrendering to trust without borders, the song “God of Justice” came to mind. The chorus of this song goes, “We must go live to feed the hungry, stand beside the broken, we must go; Stepping forward, keep us from just singing, move us into action, we must go.”

Whether I commit to TWR and go somewhere internationally, maybe South Africa… or whether I decide to stay here in Erial, NJ… or whether I find myself somewhere that hasn’t even come up yet, I know that this is God’s mission. Wherever I find myself, there is always someone who is hungry and broken. Wherever I am, I can’t just sing in church, but I must go and seek those who are in need. Those who are in need of love.

I love the quote from the movie “Love, Actually.” It goes, “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there- fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge- they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”

So get out there and show that to all people. Encourage them. There is love.