Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

Break my heart for what breaks yours.

I was warned that this was a dangerous prayer. I rolled my eyes and thought, “I love people. I don’t want people to go to hell. I wish there was something I could do, but there’s not.”

Some prayer, huh? I prayed this prayer pretty consistently over this past year. And each time, I broke a little more. Though it started off as a shrug of the shoulders, it has been molding into something bigger than I could imagine.

I have never been more emotional now than I have in my life. And that is saying a lot. Honestly, I am like crying all the time. God has broken me from the inside out for what is breaking His heart. There is so much in this world that breaks God’s heart. It’s hitting me hard. Slowly, over this past year, my heart has been broken more and more.

I have had struggles within myself and I have had struggles trying to understand so much in this world that I just cannot comprehend.

But what my heart is truly breaking for is His people. His people internationally and in America who are living each day without experiencing Christ’s love.

And I am sitting here in my comfortable home complaining about the homework I have to do for my education that I have been blessed with, and complaining about not having money because I spent it all on fast food.

God is slowly molding my heart to truly break for His people. To not just sit on my couch and wish I could do something more. But to actually do something. To experience true worship with God. To experience true communion. To truly love myself. To experience true prayer. To experience true love.

I am broken. I am unequipped. And that is what God uses to reach out to the broken and unequipped people in this world.

I want to share my heart with those of you who read this (Because obviously if you’re reading this, then you care… and if you’ve read this far, then you REALLY care… haha).

For those of you who don’t know, I have applied to return to TWR as a full-time missionary. I have not committed to anything yet, but I have had several interviews. Lots of questions run through my head… Oh my glob, I have so many college loans to pay back. Gosh, that’s a lot of support I have to raise. How is this ever going to be possible?

And that’s where I need to stop my thoughts in their tracks. No. This is what I’m supposed to do. I cannot see myself anywhere else but serving God’s people and showing love to those who need it. I have a desire to hear people’s stories and to truly care for them. God has given me a burden and I know this is where He is leading me.

If that is where God is leading me, He will provide. I don’t have to question it.

Honestly, I have no idea how these loans are going to be paid. Honestly, I don’t know how all of my support money will be raised. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to Ireland with the Cathedral Choir Mission in May to serve through music. Honestly, I don’t know where I’ll be, how I’ll cope with being away from friends and family, transitioning out of college and getting a job while I’m paying off loans and raising support. Honestly, I have no idea how it’s going to happen.

Yet, I somehow have peace. I am filled with an overwhelming peace and joy knowing that God will provide. And that He will provide through His people. Like you, or maybe someone I haven’t even come across yet. But I know He will provide and I don’t have to worry or be scared because God cares for His children. Things will work together for good.

And with that, for those few dedicated readers, all I ask from you now is to please pray for me. I have many decisions I need to make and I have so much on my plate that I need to do, it is easy to get overwhelmed. Pray that I have wisdom and pray that somehow, in someway, a way for my passion to be met will be made. Pray that I will not doubt God’s power to do the impossible.

Thanks, God bless. And please, if you need prayer for anything at all, let me know. 

Bruises

I have been so humbled this summer. Humbled not only by learning of my self-absorption and my self-consciousness but humbled by the people around me.

I am humbled by the way I have seen Christ flowing through so many people’s lives. I don’t want to live the way I have. When people see my life, I don’t want them to see my accomplishments or even the way that I am “happy” or that I’ve done a lot of "cool" stuff, I want them to see Jesus. I want people to long for something that this world can’t satisfy.

All this time I have been trying to seek humility by focusing on things that I should or should not do. This is the opposite of what humility is because I am still focusing on myself. Humility is when my focus is centered on Christ and loving his people. It has nothing to do with me.

One person whom I have been blown away by is my friend from school, Serenity. You can visit her blog at http://authentiquesoul.com/. I can’t explain to you the experiences she’s had this summer, but if you get the chance, read it! She has now dropped everything… she’s dropped out of school, sold all she owns and is dedicating her life to full time missions and is currently attending a bootcamp for missions.

My friend Anna here at TWR. She always tell me, “Anything good of me is because of the Lord.” And Melissa who always reminds me of the perfect peace of the Lord.

I could go on and on. I’ve been stopped in my tracks as I have realized in my efforts of being humble, I have only made myself more self-centered. It is not about what I do for God but what I do with him- it is about working together with the Savior and giving up my control of what I think I should be doing for God. It's not about what I can do for God because it is still me focusing on what I can do on my own. It's about pouring into others with God because it is only with him that anything is possible. 

Obviously, mistakes are always going to be made. But Scott, another intern here, reminded me of something so important. The fact that I try, does not mean it was a failed attempt. When a baby takes it’s first step, it is more of a stumble. The baby falls on its face right away. Yet, the parents are taking pictures, recording a video and posting their baby’s first failed attempt at walking all over the web. It is a celebration, even though, in fact, the baby did not succeed at anything at all. But it is the first step toward something great. Soon, that first failed attempt will turn into walking.

When I take a step towards God, and stumble over myself and end up tripping myself and falling on my face, God doesn’t look at me and say, “Wow, what a wasted effort.” But the heavens rejoice! They rejoice at each effort taken and it’s going viral all over heaven. And God doesn’t leave me there on the ground. He is there, just as a Father would be, helping me while I get back up and learn how to walk.

We went hiking on a trail the other day and I realized the reason I fall down so much is because I'm constantly looking around me instead of where I'm going. I kinda have that problem in life too- and I can only thank God that he doesn't let me wander off but he keeps bringing me back into the right direction so I don't get lost in the woods. Hey, I'll most likely keep falling over the roots, but at least I know I'm headed in the right direction.

And you know, we’ve all got bruises from those times that we fell. I have a bruise on my left shin from Ecuador that I don’t know if it will ever go away. I mean, I got this bruise in September and instead of going away it just faded into my leg. I got a bruise just the other day when I literally fell into the car- while getting into it. Don’t ask me how that happens.

But each of these bruises, no matter if I got it on the high ropes course in Ecuador or falling into the car... each bruise holds its own story. It is through stories that we are able to connect with each other. There is not one person in this world that doesn’t have a story and no matter how different our stories are, that is something we have in common. And if we take the time to listen to one another and hear each other’s stories, our bruises really don’t look that ugly.

All this to say, as I am completing my last week here at TWR I can say I have not only learned a ton in the workplace, but I have learned a ton about myself. Learning to love as Jesus loved is a lifetime journey and I am so grateful that he has brought so many opportunities and people into my life.

These people and this organization have given me glimpses of Jesus. And these mere glimpses are more beautiful than anything I have ever seen.

Jesus, Thy Boundless Love to Me

Jesus, Thy boundless love to me, No thought can reach, no tongue declare;

O knit my thankful heart to Thee, And reign without a rival there!

Thine wholly, Thine alone, I am; Be Thou alone my constant flame.

O grant that nothing in my soul, 

May dwell but Thy pure love alone;

O may Thy love possess me whole, 

My joy, my treasure, and my crown!

All coldness from my heart remove; 

May every act and thought be love.

O Love, how gracious is Thy way! All fear before Thy presence flies;

Anguish, and sorrow melt away, where-e’er Thy healing beams arise.

O Jesus, nothing may I see, nothing desire or seek but Thee.

The Moral of the Story

I’m going to start out with a story. I think it describes the people I work with pretty well. The moral of this story is “Never test out a video recorder when you’re tired.”

It all started when Tyler gave me an assignment of researching the best free webcam recorder. I had all of my softwares picked out I just hadn’t tested them out yet. I went to bed the night before I was supposed to bring my top one to him and I popped out of bed, realizing I had never done it. So, in my sleepy state in which I think like a drunk person, I tested out the best webcam recorder and recorded a video in which I thought to myself, “Oh, I should test out the email transfer and send this video.” And I did.

All that to say, when I woke up in the morning I prayed that I had only dreamed sending that video. I walked into the office and I instantly found out that I had, in fact, sent the video when Tyler comes up questioning my motive in sending the video in which I had no answer. This took a downward spiral as he not only uploaded the video onto youtube, but also made a meme where at the end of the video (after I had done a bunch of stupid stuff) I said in a really weird voice, “This is so unprofessional…” This meme and video was then sent to all the interns (including the ones overseas who don’t really know me… I mean, usually I break them in before I unleash the crazy… haha).

But it made for a good laugh. As I said, moral of the story: Never test out a video recorder when you’re tired!

Anyway, I do work in a very professional setting and despite the setbacks, I have been able to learn a lot about professionalism in an 8-5 workplace. At the same time, I have been able to appreciate the very laid back atmosphere of the Marcom department that I work in. Everyone I work with has been great. It has been awesome to be able to work with so many different people in the department and be able to help out with all kinds of projects.

I was trying to remember when the last time I posted was and I’m pretty sure it was before the fourth of July, so I’ll fill you in on some of the highlights. Fourth of July weekend was nice and relaxing. We celebrated in a very American way and went shopping and saw a movie (“Now You See Me… actually pretty good!). I also bought the first season of Fresh Prince of Bel Air and so we watched about three disks that weekend as well (You can’t ever get enough of Fresh Prince, right?) And we were able to go to the pool with Benjamin and his wife. Just a very nice time to spend with each other and the four day weekend was definitely needed to refresh for the last few weeks of work!

This past week at work has been great. I have been able to move forward on a couple of my projects. An article I just finished should be posted on the website tomorrow so I will be sure to share that with you on my facebook page! Included on the article will also be video that I made myself out of some footage I had, so I was pretty proud of that.

I was also able to record for Project Hannah which was a lot of fun! My voice will now be on the air in a few months for millions of people to hear. No big deal, right? 

This weekend has been great. Did some thrift shopping, saw Despicable Me 2 (very funny movie) and went to the pool after being treated to IHop by a sweet lady from church and then went to a church picnic! 

It is absolutely insane how fast this summer has gone. Two of the other girls and I have been able to talk a lot about how our attitudes should be at this point. While we are sad about how fast the time has gone and how fast these last two weeks are going to be, we are determined to embrace each day and live in the present. The only way to truly appreciate the time that God has given us here is to be able to live in the here and now. When we focus too much on the future and all of our worries about what is going to happen next, we miss the point of why God has us here for this amount of time. We only have today, so we must live today.

I have a mini devotional with excerpts from “Jesus Calling” and there was one that stuck out to me that I would love to share. It says:

“Follow Me one step at a time. That is all I require of you. In fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time world. You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you’re going to scale those heights. Meanwhile, because you’re not looking where you’re going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now. As I help you get back on your feet, you tell Me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead. But you don’t know what will happen today, much less tomorrow. Our path may take an abrupt turn, leading you away form those mountains. There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance. If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. I will even give My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways.

Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence. Walk by faith, not by sight, trusting Me to open up the way before you.”

[Psalm 18:28-30]

For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God- his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

Grandma Time

Last Sunday morning was one of the most amazing church services I have ever been to. I have been going to a church called Peace Presbyterian and it has an African America partner church- Wesleyan First Church of Deliverance.  Well, Peace had went and did a service at their church a little while ago, so last Sunday they returned the favor. They came to Peace and did a service with us just as if they were doing it at their home church. It was a service full of praise! The worship was overwhelming- in a good way. There was no judgment. Everyone was clapping and raising their hands and just praising the Lord, each in their own way. I was absolutely filled with awe and joy for our Savior. We, different denominations, different races, just very different people in general, came together and we were united in something beautiful. We were all the same. There were no different denominations. There were no different races. We were all unified in one body simple praising the Lord. It was absolutely beautiful.

Last week was pretty great. I have been creating good work. I had my first interview as a journalist, sent out the TWR Americas newsletter, helped with some video editing and have just been keeping myself busy. Last Friday, the interns had a work day where we helped the maintenance men up on the roof. It was super hot and I was definitely exhausted by the end of the day. Even though it was a bit brutal, it was nice to get out in the sun and spend the day working with the interns and these awesome guys who do so much behind the scenes work.

I have also loved getting involved with the church. We have been able to meet so many awesome people. We have gotten involved with the college group and we have been able to hang out with some of the staff at TWR. Between the baseball game last Monday, college group on Wednesday, hanging out at Tyler (the videographer’s) house on Thursday and watching the Matrix for the first time, and having a great time at Benjamin’s (IT guy) house last Friday playing awesome games and then going to downtown Apex for a barbeque fest and seeing 42 at the $2 movie theater… Gosh. It’s been so great just learning to work hard, having fun and growing so much spiritually (Not to mention I've been able to hang out with my awesome grandparents).

There have been many things from the college group that I have really been able to chew on. Especially this past week, Trip, who we know from TWR, taught the lesson about being made in the image of God which is a topic I have heard about a lot but he just pointed out some things that I have never thought of before. I really love that about God. Even when you think you know it all, you’re not even close!

I can literally talk about anything with these people. I have had so many awesome conversations and God is opening my eyes to something new every day. After Bible study on Wednesday, Anna, Melissa and I just sat on the countertop in the kitchen and had a chat and it was awesome. These conversations just come so naturally. I love it.

I just need to give a little shout out to Anna, my roommate. She has such a sincere, genuine spirit. I could probably write a whole blog post just on the people here, so maybe I’ll save this for another day.

Over this past weekend I was able to go home with Rebekah which was super nice. She lives right on the beach. We got there Friday night just in time for some ice cream and bed. On Saturday morning we had the opportunity to go out on a boat. We hung out in the house and relaxed for a while as it was raining but soon after it cleared up and then we were able to go out on the beach. I was pretty happy about that because I didn’t think I was going to get any beach time here in Cary! Yesterday, I helped them move into a house with three flights of stairs. Let’s just say I’m sore today. Not even kidding. It’s pretty pathetic.

Today is a three day work week because of 4^th of July! I’m pretty excited. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work there, but hey, everybody gets excited about a four day weekend! I was able to finish another article that will be posted on the TWR website tomorrow, so I’ll be sure to post that for all who are interested to read sometime tomorrow. I’m also working on some video work, some other articles and other projects that I’ll probably talk about when I do a “wrap up” blog on all the work I’ve done.

All in all, I just can’t believe that a month has went by already. Thank you so much again to everyone who supported me. It’s because of you that I’m able to have these experiences, meet wonderful new people and really use the skills and talents God has given me for his glory. It’s been such a gift and a blessing to be here and I can’t wait to share this experience with you in person in just one short month!

Also, if you’re able to see the pictures posted by Melissa Norris, she’s a pretty awesome photographer.

Well, it's 10:30 now which is my new bedtime. I know, I'm totally on grandma time. I feel pretty old. But hey, if that's what gets me up in the morning, I'll save my late nights for the weekend. 

I will end with some excerpts from Isaiah 40. I’ve been going through this book for the first time while here and have learned so much. This passage has been going through my head the past few days.

… All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows on it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.

... Go on up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news; lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news; lift it up, fear not; say to the cities of Judah, ‘Behold your God!’ Behold, the Lord God comes with might and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him. He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.

... Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall walk and not faint.”

God is Real.

I love pranks. Even when they’re done to me, I can’t help but laugh. Let’s see, this past Friday our co-worker was out on vacation so we interns decided to leave him a little surprise for when he gets back to the office tomorrow. AKA: His entire office is covered in post-it notes- most of them which have lots of great little messages.

Oh, and can’t forget the day where another intern filled up a trashcan full of water and leaned it against my door so that when I opened the door it fell over and covered my carpet with water.

All this to say, I love the people I am working with. I love that we can have fun with each other and I am so thankful for the amazing working environment I am a part of. I truly feel like I am doing work that is useful. My supervisor is wonderful and I feel extremely encouraged by his support in my work and the valuable tasks I am given each day.

If nothing else, I have learned much about thankfulness this week. Being here in Cary, I am very content and happy and I have really tried to take on a grateful attitude and not take this experience for granted. I am thankful that God has given me the opportunity to be able to experience a work environment such as this with people like these. It is not something everyone gets and I feel so blessed to be able to experience it. I am thankful for the encouragement I am given. I am thankful for all the laughter. I am thankful for all the deep conversations that have come so naturally among the interns. I am thankful for the stories that have been shared. I am thankful for good food and fellowship. I am thankful for hard work and for having a purpose here at TWR. I am thankful for spiritual moments and I am thankful for new perspectives.

Seriously, what an amazing organization this is. Every single worker portrays an amazing servant leadership- including the president! He takes the time to serve the interns and learn their names and that is just mind blowing to me. I am actually working on a devotional that the president (Lauren Libby) wrote and my job is to find relatable verses and listener letters. As hard as it is, I love reading these letters and being so encouraged by the hope they were given through the radio programs. It’s so nice to work for an organization that you truly believe in!

All in all, I have been so inspired by the people I have come in contact with. I have been able to see my grandparents, I have been able to meet new people through church and Bible study, I have been able to try new things and get to know people better.

People are seriously just so wonderful. I love getting to know their sense of humors and how they love to be loved. I have loved having conversations that last for hours where we can have fun but also challenge each other and open up to each other and share moments that have happened in our lives to help one another. I have gained so much respect for the people I work with, the other interns included. Seriously, God has worked wonders and these people are evidence that God is real. I absolutely loved just sitting around the fire, laughing and sharing personal stories with each other. I feel like God is using us not only to make an impact at the organization but in each other’s lives as well.

I have never doubted the realness of God. Obviously I’ve had doubts about other things, but the fact that God is real, I have always been sure. And it is moments like these that have affirmed this for me. To hear about the transformation that has happened in these people’s lives and to see the passion they have for the Lord… to hear about miracles and to see pure hope, joy and peace… that just doesn’t come naturally! What we experience through God is proof that he is real! It is just so amazing. I don’t know how else to explain it. And it just makes me even more excited to be God's child and to have the opportunity to love people! What a wonderful day, Father's Day. A day to celebrate the blessing of your earthly father (shout out to my awesome dad here!) and just recognizing the amazing Heavenly Father we have in God. Gosh, that just fills my spirit up. :)

I don’t want to ramble on too long about this, just in case you’ve actually read this far, but I do just want to end with this. God is amazing. Good will always win. It is through Christ that joy is found and I believe with all my heart that I am in God’s will this summer and am doing something valuable. But I also know with all my heart, that when I leave, I will still be given opportunities every single day to share his love. Today and tomorrow, God’s love will be shown and he has given us the privilege of sharing it. He has given us the opportunity to share in his love with him. To feel his love and to be with him and feel real purpose in life and then someday join him in heaven where we will praise him forevermore. What a beautiful thing to think about!

Anyway, we sang a song in church today that I have never heard before and I just thought it was absolutely beautiful. So here, you go.

Abide With Me

By Henry Lyte

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, abide with me.

Thou on my head, in early youth didst smile;

And, though rebellious, and perverse meanwhile,

Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,

On to the close Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence, every passing hour.

What but Thy grace, can foil tempter’s power?

Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless

Ills have no weight, tears lose their bitterness

Where is thy sting death? Where grave thy victory?

I triumph still, abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross, before my closing eyes;

Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies.

Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;

In life, in death, Lord, abide with me.

Frizzy Hair, Awesome People and Love

            Today we have a woman staying at the lodge for a week from Austria. She has curly hair as I do and after talking about her stay in the States she mentions the humidity and how she has never seen her hair act this way before. All I could do was nod my head and say, “I feel ya sister.”

 Needless to say, it has been quite humid, but that’s really nothing new for me as Jersey is probably the same way. 

This past week has nevertheless been wonderful and I have really enjoyed my first week of work. I can already sense how fast the summer is going to go. I know I am going to love these people I am working and interning with.

I have really enjoyed getting to know the other workers at TWR. Benjamin and his wife invited us over one night, and Tyler the videographer invited us over to his family’s house as well. We’ve been able to hear their stories and their dreams about what they want to do with their work. I love just being able to be lighthearted as well as have deep conversations. One thing Benjamin said that was awesome was about faith and obedience. I don’t mean to sound cliché but when people say “Jesus has a plan for you” that’s often the reaction I have. But if you think about what that truly means, God knows where I am right now and I not only need to have faith that He will lead me to the next step, but I need to be obedient to where He has me right now. There is a reason that I’m here no matter what I manage to do or not do. I may never even know the reason, but I need to be obedient to where God has me and trust Him. I can’t just attempt to please Him, that’ll never work. I need to follow. And I need to enjoy this fact! Enjoy that His love is not a burden! In fact, when I choose God every day, when I abandon my life and truly commit every day, His love brings overwhelming joy.

It’s been so much fun going shopping (purchasing my first pair of high heels!) and going to church, out to eat and just talking with the other interns and really getting to know them. Watching them and their passion for what they are doing gives me the confidence boost I need to be able to output valuable work and glorify God through the work I am doing. I want to pour out God’s love through my work and I pray God will use me and work through me and help me to see every possibility. He’s brought me this far, I trust He will keep leading to the end!

One verse that has helped me is Proverbs 16:3 which says “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” If I commit my work to the Lord, He will establish my plans! It’s a very exciting statement to realize. I read a quote that says, “Creativity comes when you stop being afraid of being wrong.” Oh my goodness, that opened my eyes. I am constantly afraid of being wrong. I don’t want to put my ideas out there and every time I finish a project I have to tell them I’m sorry, I hope it’s ok, please let me know what I need to change, before they even get a chance to look at it. I wonder why I have creativity blocks, and the reason is I am so afraid of being wrong. By committing my work to the Lord, I don’t have to be afraid. What He wants to be done, will be done.

I’ve been so blessed to be interning with these people- workers and interns. We’ve been able to go the movies and the pool as well as have great conversations and work hard. I just thank God for His blessings and I pray I can use them to pour out love on others.They have been teaching so much as well. Just through their every day lives and through their stories. It's amazing what a simple conversation can lead to. I love people. I love that every person, every personality, no matter what has their own story and their own future. I can learn something from every person I ever meet.

All this to say, work has been going well. I am learning and being challenged. I have been going through the book of Proverbs and chapter 30 just really spoke to me. It is really humbling yet encouraging. I love that about it. I know I can tend to be so anxious despite my laid back personality and I just need to remember what He has done and the people He worked through and just look at these things pointed out in the verse and just stretch out my hands to Him to water my dried up soul. He will bring perfect peace and take away every anxiety if I let Him. If I trust Him to take care of me. Who else would know better than the creator of my soul?

 I'm going to end with this verse in Ecclesiastes 3. I stumbled upon it and just fell in love with it. “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil- this is God’s gift to man.”

Lifetime Learner

            I got home from the beach on Monday night and stared at my room that looked like a natural disaster had hit it. All that stuff had to packed up so that I could leave home for another two months. It was definitely a bittersweet feeling. I had just gotten home a week ago and realized how much I missed it. I missed my family and I missed my friends and I haven’t even gotten a chance to see my two best friends yet. My heart yearned to stay home where it was comfortable. Where I knew I would be wanted. And also where I knew I would be doing pretty much nothing if I stayed. 

            So, I packed up my bags and got ready to leave the following morning. My mom and I hit the road and endured the eight hour drive to North Carolina together. We pulled in down a beautiful road where we found TWR. The Lodge that they provide is very comfortable and looks like a mini hotel room and we are provided with a nice kitchen and living space. Plus, it’s nice being directly across from the office. More time to sleep when work is only one minute away! Of course, there is only one tiny closet and barely any drawers so it was quite difficult managing where to put all of both my and my roommate’s clothing. Luckily, I’m used to throwing my clothes all over the place anyway. 

            I will be living with four other girls and one other guy (I always find myself in extreme majority girl groups… haha) and we will all be interning for different people. There will be one other girl working in my department which is Marketing and Communications (MarCom). She will be working with primarily Social Media and I will be working primarily with Journalism. 

            We all settled in on Tuesday and got to know one another and also got to know two other guys and one other girl who are all interning with TWR but will be in different counties. It is all very exciting! So be sure to include them in your prayers while praying for the team.

            Wednesday started bright and early at 8am for Orientation. Yes, we had to dress in business casual attire. Something that is quite new for me. In fact, Wednesday was the first time I had ever put on makeup by myself on a normal day. I know, crazy, right? I guess I’ll get used to dressing like an adult.

            Orientation was definitely long, but not quite so grueling. In fact, it truly opened my eyes to how amazing this ministry is and how awesome radio can be as a ministry to closed countries. From their history to how they continue to expand and impact more and more people, you can see God’s hand working in each and every part. I also love how they really want to make all the interns feel included in the work and purpose in sharing the Gospel with all peoples.

            One goal of this ministry for their interns is they want each and every one of us to grow in their relationship with Christ. They are excited for the work and skills we will be able to output while here, but if we feel further from Christ then we did in the beginning, then they have failed in their job. I am so encouraged by this and so excited to see how God uses them to work in our lives.  

            So far, they have challenged me to think and grow and I haven’t even started working yet! They talked about how we are ambassadors not only in our outward actions, but in our private lives as well. Our personal relationship with Christ reflects in everything we do. We should be an overflow to what God is pouring into us. We shouldn’t have to strive to have love flow out of us because it should already be so full in us that it is just overflowing onto others.

            We also need to keep our eyes open to everything happening around us and each opportunity that Christ gives us each day to share His love. I know how oblivious I can be and I am trying to be able to be more observant to the world around me and being able to see those in need and acting on it. This also ties in to praying earnestly and never underestimating the power and importance of prayers. Prayer is so easily forgotten and I don’t know why when it is obviously so powerful. I hear so many stories that seem impossible until they pray and then God opens up so many doors. He really does hear us.

            It is also so important not to get distracted. Distractions come in so many ways in things that aren’t bad! Distractions can come in community, worship, expectations, time, ourselves… I know I can get distracted so easily especially by these things and I forget what should be of utmost importance. Of course I need to keep up these things, but I cannot let them replace what I am here for.

            I loved a couple other things that they mentioned such as let yourself be surprised and remember adventure. Go in God’s power and allow Him to use you. Return with joy and continue to be a willing participant in God’s work wherever you are. So many amazing statements that I can go on and on about (but I will save you the trouble to those that are still reading this far… haha). 

            Another thing that was mentioned that really resonated with me was having a kingdom perspective. Jesus will return and we are a part of that process by attempting to reach all peoples. Our goal and final destination where we will spend eternity is heaven or hell and that is a perspective we need not forget.

            I appreciate so much that their primary goal is to help us grow spiritually. This will be a different and challenging summer and I am nervous to begin on Monday, but I am excited and I am so glad I have five other wonderful interns here to share it with. I hope and pray I will serve God and love others to the best of my ability! 

           

            Orientation ended on Thursday which mostly consisted of reading their GPP and getting details all squared away. Lauren Libby is the president of TWR and we had the opportunity to join the staff meeting and a webinar with him and Tripp (the web guru) and I loved the things he had to say about the ministry and life in general. Obviously, I won’t talk to you about everything he said, but one thing he said in the meeting that stuck with me was to be a lifelong learner. It’s not something that ends in school or work or retirement. His mother is 98 years old and she is still learning.

            God created this vast world with so much diversity in nature and culture it is literally impossible to know everything about the world. 

            Never stop asking questions.

            Never stop learning people’s stories.

            Never stop staring at the stars. 

            On a lighter note, a couple of us went with Ben (IT guru) and his wife to play volleyball and we ended up playing with some other guys at the park and it was so much fun! I hit the ball over the net a few times. ;) It’s weird not to have any homework so I have plenty of free time at night if any of you want to contact me through phone, skype, or message me or whatever! I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. Also, if you would like to send me anything in the mail my address is: 

Rachel Pearson
Trans World Radio
300 Gregson Dr. 
Cary, NC 27512

            Speaking of which, the last thing I want to say is thank you. Thank you to all who are supporting me financially as well as through prayer. I literally would not be here without you. God has opened my eyes to the importance of raising support and what a ministry it provides for others. Thank you for partnering with me. I say this with sincerity, you are all my partners. Because of that, you are a huge part of this ministry and you are a part of this internship this summer. I will try and update this blog every week to let you know what’s been going on. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this possible. You have truly made a difference.

Self-Absorbed

So, as I sit here on the couch and think about all of the overwhelmingly amount of work I have to do. I think about all of the internal things that are bringing me down and I think about all the things that I have not done and should have.

And then it hits me. I am constantly thinking about me. The thing about problems and hard times, is it makes me an extremely self-centered person.

When times get tough, that is no excuse to make the world revolve around you. Even as Christians, sometimes we can get into this thing where it’s like, “I have so much to do. I need to take time with God. I need to rest in Him. I just need to rest in general. I need to… I need to… I need to… “ And all of these things are extremely important but sometimes I think we can take it over the top. Because the fact is, sometimes we are focused so much on ourselves and our problems and trying to figure out how to “fix” these things, that we forgot about loving others.

I mean, I’m studying Paul in one of my classes and I just think about all of the hard times he went through and how selfless he still was. In the midst of his pain and his trials, his thoughts were still on loving others. Of course, he found times to rest and spend time with God and get the work that he needed to do done. But he never lost sight of what was truly important. He never lost sight of what God was calling him to do.

I sat in church today forced to think about what God has done for me. The fact that Jesus suffered so much and shed His blood for me. And then I changed my thinking to what God has done for us. Jesus suffered and shed His blood for us. We are a body. We are in this together. We all have trials. We are all suffering. We all have problems. And we become so self-absorbed in our own, we forget to have compassion for others who are going through the same things.

I can love others through my trials. I am called to have a selfless love through my pain. And I can share these things with others and they can share with me.

But just because I am going through a hard time, that does not give me an excuse to throw a pity party. Hard times do not give me an excuse to only find rest for myself and to keep crying to God. As I said, I think truly crying out to God and finding rest in Him is very important. But I think sometimes we miss the point. Hard times do not give us an excuse to stop loving others.

We are called to continuously pour out Christ’s love into other people no matter the circumstance. We are in this together. And the fact is, I found that when I take the time to stop and show love to someone else, it brings me a rest and a peace that I couldn’t have found by sleeping in an extra hour or stressing over that homework assignment. It’s not only through the quiet times that I find rest, but it’s through love.

God knows we are struggling. And we may not always know where to go or what to do. But He has called us to have a desire to please Him, and I don’t think there’s a certain way that we have to do this. I think if we desire to do His will, His love will naturally flow out of us. No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find joy and peace and this can flow from our lives through love.

We said a prayer today in church that I thought was beautiful. It’s the “Prayer of Thomas Merton.” He says:

            My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

            I do not see the road ahead of me.

            I cannot know for certain where it will end.

            Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

            But I believe that my desire to please You does in fact please You.

            And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

            I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

            And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

            Therefore I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death…

            I will not fear, for You are ever with me and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.