Home-stays, Home-sickness and Revelations.

10/16/12

So, I figured I should give you all an update BEFORE I start my week-long intensive Worldview class and then go to the Galapagos Islands… otherwise, you would have one massive post waiting for you.

Well, I believe I left off with moving into my home-stays last week. I have now been living with my family for a little over a week, and I absolutely love them! They are one of the most caring, loving, hilarious families I have ever met. They have such a great relationship with one another and they all have such a passion for God. On Saturday morning I had the opportunity to sit with them during their family devotions which consists of singing some songs and then all of us taking turns reading from the Bible which we then discuss after. It was such a great time, even though it was a little hard because the kids had to keep translating for me!

My schedule is pretty crazy, now that I have started my internship. I am working there about 25 hours a week, give or take. Plus, Spanish, Spiritual Formation and Ecuador 250. Also, with my worldview class coming up, we had to read three entire books (which we all forgot about until this past weekend… let’s just say, after this semester, I may never want to read another book again!) But, when I get home I do homework with my little brother Alejandro, who is absolutely hilarious and makes homework time so much more fun. Ruby, my mama prepares dinner which we eat a little later at night, so I get to have some family time then and we chat for a little bit afterwards, until I go up to my room so that I can really concentrate on getting my homework done and maybe catching up with some people over facebook.

This past weekend was a holiday, so everyone had Friday off. I spent a lot of time reading the books for worldview, but it was also nice to spend some extended time with my family. On Saturday it was Alejandro’s birthday, and we went to the market where the indigenous people all sell stuff for really cheap. I got to run some errands with them and then I spent a lot of time reading. On Sunday, I had the opportunity to go to my mama’s mama’s house and the ENTIRE family was there. It was really hard because I didn’t know how to communicate with them, so I didn’t know what else to do but withdraw and just read some more! But I did eat dinner with everyone and helped out with what I could and spend time with my mama.

All, that to say, even though my family is absolutely wonderful, there have been challenges. I think culture shock has finally kicked in. In the morning sometimes I wake up just wanting to cry for no reason. I feel like such a hindrance sometimes because I have to keep asking them to translate things for me and then they apologize to me for not knowing more English! I’m the one that needs to be sorry for not knowing Spanish! I really feel like giving up on Spanish- I’m never going to be able to communicate. There’s way too much. They want me to start praying in Spanish and I don’t even know if I can do that! I know I can’t give up though… it’s just hard! Sunday was especially hard because I was really looking forward to going to a worship night at the English speaking church because I missed everyone and I miss worshiping in my own language. As I said, I love my family and I think I am trying to get a good balance with spending time with them, others and doing my homework, but it’s hard sometimes! They’re really great people which I am so blessed for because it definitely makes the process a lot easier! This week has felt a little long, but mostly because of my attitude. I just haven’t felt like doing anything and I’ve been getting tired really easily and then dragging myself out of bed in the morning. But I think things will definitely pick up this week with Worldview soon and then the Galapagos and everything, which is a good thing. (Or a bad thing, because I don't know if I really want it to start going fast!) We shall see! I know I just have to keep on choosing joy and choosing to have peace and rest in God!

I’ve also realized how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. I was talking to one the other day when I was kinda feeling down in the dumps because I was feeling pretty homesick and he just said something that I have really taken to heart. He said, “Something I’ve been really thinking about is how Jesus might want to use some of these isolated and stretching moments in our home-stays to draw us closer to Him. He promises to be all we need, you know? We’re not alone and we have opportunities to learn for Him to satisfy our hearts. Easier said then done I know, but keep your head up!” And when I replied that I was trying to have a good attitude he replied, “I wouldn’t doubt that you’re trying to have a good attitude. In fact, I struggle to imagine you doing anything differently than that. But don’t you think it’s more than just an attitude thing? It’s not just ‘Okay, I believe God will be enough for me’ and then we go on to try and feel better. I try that a lot, and it usually doesn’t work. And I’m not really sure how it works but I think more of a faith thing. Stepping out on His promises and taking the time to rest in Him, dependent that He will do what He says He will.”

Honestly, it kinda blew my mind. I mean, all this time I’ve been trying and trying to just have a “good attitude” and I’ve found that it really isn’t working! And that’s because it’s more of just a mask of everything that’s really going on. It’s more just, “Wow, I’m struggling with this, but oh well, I’m going to try and just be happy anyway!” I mean, it just doesn’t work that way sometimes. It’s about truly stepping on His promises and taking the time to rest in Him. To TRULY depend on Him, which is something I have seriously been neglecting to do. I mean, all this time I have just been trying do my best, do my best. Read every single word in every single book and do every single assignment and get A’s in all my classes and learn as much as I can. I want to be the best daughter and the best friend, and I want to do it all. But I really can’t do ANYTHING if I’m not relying on the love of Christ. Sometimes I really struggle because I believe that I’m really not that good at anything, and I feel like I have to try SUPER hard at anything I do in order to just be able to do it, let alone do it well. But in talking with my friends I realize that it’s seriously not about me and what I’m able to do. It’s about how God will be glorified and how HE will do great things through each and every one of us if we let Him.And when I'm focusing so much on myself, I start missing all the opportunities God is giving me each and every day to share His love! I am so consumed in doing things my way, I don't see what God is trying to show me. Once I start focusing on Him, then all of those opportunities will start opening up, I only pray that I take them!

I can be pretty impatient with myself sometimes. I can be pretty hard on myself. But I am just so blessed to have such encouraging friends. I was talking to another one and she just said, “It’s okay to cry. Sometimes crying alone is good. But I am so glad that the Holy Spirit sees what you are going through. There is a rest somewhere in this for you and maybe God is changing that definition of rest. It’s okay not to be joyful all the time. Joy isn’t always an emotion, or even an attitude. It’s a choice of choosing to hold Jesus’ hand through something. Even if you can’t always feel His hand there.”

It’s just such a beautiful thing! I mean, we are all broken! But we are all here for each other to remind each other of the awesome God we have who has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit who is DWELLING INSIDE US to give us joy, comfort and guidance! 

I just can’t say it enough. I am so blessed. So blessed to have friends who, when I’m having a rough day will talk to me about anything and listen to me about everything. When we are struggling with questions or just having a bum day, they pass up precious sleep and homework time to talk. It’s just so encouraging to know that people care. 

I mean, even tonight I was able to just go out to eat with some friends and watch the soccer game and it felt so good. 

I’m doing a lot better this week. I am truly learning how to depend and rely on God and experience even more joy inwardly, rather than just having a “good attitude.” It’s not only an amazing feeling in the heart, but it’s something that I know in my mind and in my soul. 

God is so good. God is so good. God is good, He’s so good to me.

Blessings Galore.

These past few weeks in Ecuador have been wonderful. There have been good things and bad things, but hey, that’s what adventure is all about, right? It has been starting to get a little challenging being so far away and feeling a bit disconnected from things happening back at home, but I have been having amazing experiences here in this country.

Last weekend we had the opportunity of going to Misahualli. It’s about a five hour drive from Quito to the jungle but the drive wasn’t bad at all, surprisingly, being with good friends and beautiful things to look at out the window. Plus, on the way there we were able to stop at a cave where we were able to tour through this amazing cave filled with water where we got to swim, climb and dive into waterfalls… it was so cool. When we got to the hostel in Misahualli we were welcomed with an amazing dinner (which, by the way, the food for the entire weekend was so fantastic) and got settled in for the night.

On Friday morning we set out for the schools where we would present VBS. We had the opportunity to share songs and a story with them as a group and then we split up into three different groups- games, crafts and hula! I played games with the kids and I absolutely loved them! They were so adorable and so full of love. They totally welcomed us with open arms. I loved being able to get to know them, even if it was for a few hours. Aimee and I also found a trail which was pretty sweet. I love just exploring God’s creation, it totally takes my breath away.

We also had the opportunity to build relationships with people just by spending time with them. We played basketball, soccer and Frisbee for hours. I was able to talk with two twelve year old girls while tossing around a Frisbee for a long time. I loved getting to know them and building that relationship with them and being able to share my story and hear theirs. Being able to hear what God has been doing in their lives and what they want to do makes me so excited.

On Saturday, we were able to help finish one of the cabins that they were building. We had people sanding, lacquering, sealing, painting, etc. Even though the work we were doing wasn’t hard, it was so encouraging to hear Roberto, the missionary we were working for, say how much he appreciated our hard work.

That afternoon we all went hiking up to a waterfall. So much fun! I love hiking and the waterfall was beautiful! We got to climb up and jump off the rocks, was pretty proud that I made it up (with lots of help from others, of course)! All in all, it was just a great weekend to be able to serve, worship and spend time with this community that I am a part of.

Coming back, it was time to get back to work. I have lots of work for my classes and I have a desire to do all the work and learn as much as I can, but at the same time spend time with the people that I’m here with and growing those relationships, so it can be hard to find a balance sometimes.

On Tuesday, for my Spiritual Formation class we had to participate in a four hour quiet time with God. The night before, I really wasn’t looking forward to it. I had a very selfish attitude in that I didn’t want to wake up early and I didn’t want to “waste” four hours of time when I could be finishing up homework or catching up on sleep. But it was probably the best thing I could have done for myself that day. As soon as I started out the day with just pure worship while walking around the city, I was filled with such joy I started dancing. In the middle of the sidewalk. And I am not a very good dancer. I got lots of weird looks, but I couldn’t help myself! I was just so happy! I was able to spend a lot of time reading the Bible and just soaking in His truth. I read passages from Esther, Job, Psalm and Hebrews and I was just filled with God’s truth. Something that I didn’t even realize I had been so thirsty for. I decided that for the rest of the time I wasn’t going to eat or drink so that I could be reminded how much I need Him. I was reminded of my brokenness and God’s deliverance. I also tried this whole new thing called “meditation.” Haha, ok, so it’s not new. Just new for me! I actually tried to just clear my head and listen to what God was trying to tell me. I did it for about thirty minutes and the same thing juts kept repeating in my head over and over again. He just kept telling me, “Rachel, you are in awe of the beauty of My creation. You love the sky, the sun, the stars, the tree, the animals, etc. You think all of these things are so beautiful. And yet, you forget about the most important, the most beautiful one. You. Just think about how much more beautiful you are, my child, my daughter, my love.” The other night some guys and I did the same thing. We sat down and just listened to hear what God was telling us and we would write it down. I kept asking God questions until I finally came to the questions of How do I truly surrender? How do I give up my life? God, do I disappoint you? And all I could hear Him say in return is Search me. Search for me. I’m always here. YOU ARE MINE. TRUST ME. I mean, think about that. The Creator the Universe says that you are HIS! It just blows my mind. I mean, it’s something we all know, but we forget the power behind that! It’s just crazy to think about how much He loves me, and how much I don’t give back what He deserves. I mean, seriously, I wake up super early so that I can get my homework done, but I don’t even think about waking up early so that I can spend time with God. It saddens me and I want that attitude of my heart to change. It should be the other way around!

I was also able to think a lot about the opportunities that God gives us each and every day. When I die, I desire for God to tell me, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” He’s not going to say this to me if I dilly dally through life selfishly, only thinking about what I need to get done for myself throughout the day. God gives so many opportunities throughout the day, if I only look. If I only search for them, find them, and take them.

Anyway, the rest of the week went really well, just hanging out, going to classes, doing homework, having fun… On Saturday it was Britt’s birthday so we celebrated and ate all bunch of crap. You know, all the good stuff. And that brings me to today, I’m at my host family’s house at this very moment!! I feel a little bit crazy right now and I may cry any second.

I miss being around everyone already, but I know I’ll see them soon and I am so grateful for the family that I’m with!! There’s Edwin and Rubie, the parents and then two children- Joyce and Alejandro. This family is absolutely amazing. They have welcomed me into their home with open arms and with so much love it overwhelms me. They all speak English except for Edwin, so even though I’m for sure practicing my Spanish with them, it’s comforting to know that when I’m desperate they can help! They are hilarious people with a great sense of humor and they are filled with so much care. I’ve already eaten delicious food, went walking with them arm in arm and had great conversations. (My Spanglish is awesome.) They are all so connected as a family and we even prayed all together before bed. Edwin told me that I can trust them with anything and that they pray for their children every morning and now that will include me. I am so so grateful and blessed to be here, I don’t even really know how to explain it in words.

This is going to be a great month. I just pray culture shock doesn’t suddenly slam me, and I hope I don’t get too overwhelmed with work while trying to build a relationship here.

Anyway, I feel like there is so much more I need to say, but I feel like I’ve rambled too long already! So, until next time! Chao!